Saturday Night Stunties

Didn't make the cut for the FNF Finals? Or feel you'll be knocked out early?

You could sit around for the next month, feeling sad and bored, waiting for the next season, or...

You could enter a team in.....

House of Axebreakers

8 Teams

2 Pools

3 Rounds

Ending with the Inaugrual "Speccy" McGroan Stunty Final!!

Did you know....

''Spike!'' Magazine's number one All-time Worst Player Award goes to 'Speccy' McGroan of the Evil Gits - one of those truly incompetent cretins that Blood Bowl need if it is to retain its prime-time status! He played for only one season (2488-89) but over the year he managed to fumble the ball over 30 times, averaging more than two fumbles per match. Speccy's finest hour, however, was in his final match when he managed to fumble the ball a record nine times before he was pulled off (and then pulled apart!) by the Gits head coach.

The "Speccy" McGroan Cup is made from one of his actual boots worn that day - it was the only recognisable part of him that could be found after that fateful last game!

SNS Rules

1. 8 teams only: first in - first served. BUT players that didn't make the FNF Finals will be given preference over all others,
2. Goblins, Halflings, and Ogre Teams ONLY,
3. TV 1000 max. (no minimum beyond the fact that all teams must start with at least 11 players),
4. As per the FNF - vulgar and obscene team and player names will not be accepted,
5. All games must be up-loaded on to BB Manager
6. Don't mess about and play your games within the week - and even sooner would be better - the aim is to have the competition completed well before the start of FNF Season VI

SNS FAQ

• How do I enter? e-mail the House of Axebreaker to register. Once 8 Coaches have signed on you will be forwarded the League and password info.
• When does it start? - As soon as possible. Remember, it's only for 8 teams with preference given to those Coaches that didn't make the finals!
• What if I can't play my game within the week? Tough. The round will be rolled at least every seven days (and hopefully sooner) regardless of excuses/extenuating circumstances and any unplayed games will be 0-0 draws (and we all know how well that works!!)
• Do I have to use Blood Manager? - Yes
• Why? - Because there is no fun of having all the mayhem of little guy antics if no else can see it and laugh their arses off :).
• But I don't have Blood Blood Manager on my PC or I can't get it to work - Well, that is unfortunate, because it means you can't be part of this competition :(
• That's stupid and unfair! - Maybe so, but they are the rules of the competition.

ENTER NOW

The Teams of FNF V

This week we are proud to present this magnificent team poster of the Corsars.

(You know, you don't really get the full sense of what a rough season this team has had until just eight players, most of whom are carrying serious injuries, turn up for the team portrait. True Champions!)

Vipers Actually Win a Game!

The Tlaxtlan Vipers manage to win a game (strange, but true) earlier in the week- defeating the Corsars 2-0

The Vipers won the toss and, as their players lined up to receive the kick-off, they were immediately assaulted by the smells of the delicious foods being prepared on the sideline by a Halfling Master Chef. Unfortunately for the Dark Elves, their little halfling gourmet was clearly inexperienced in catering to the reptiles palette - as his dishes didn't distract the Vipers as much as the Corsars had hoped ( only-1 Re-roll in each half)

The Vipers quickly grabbed the ball after the kick-off and moved it up to the halfway line. Although they lost a Skink to injury in the opening exchanges - Itztica scooted up the left hand sideline and was soon across the line for a TD. The restart kick-off placed the ball right on the halfway line and at the feet of the Vipers' newest recruit, Amox-Tla. But the Corsar quickly retrieved it and caged up on left side line. Vipers defenders rushed in to surround the Dark Elves cage - preventing it from making anymore forward progress. So the Corsars sent runners deep - but their attempt at a bold passing pass collapsed when Cameorl fumbled a Long Bomb attempt for a TD!

The second half began with the Dark Elves scooping up the ball and exchanging a pass in the back field. Again runners were sent deep into Vipers territory while the rest of the Dark Elves protected the ball carrier. The Corsars attempted another risky passing play - a Long Pass to a receiver surrounded by Skinks - but that too was fumbled. Tlaloc swooped on the loose ball and dashed down field to field to score the winning TD.

Thanks to Mick for the game - had his bold passing attempts worked, it might have been a very different result.

For the Vipers, after enduring weeks of failed Dodges and Hand-offs, success came from avoiding these actions completely. The Skinks didn't attempt a single dodge or hand-off all match. The lesson here seems to be "What you don't attempt - you can't fail". The Vipers are also incredibly pleased with the performance of their new Kroxigor, Amox-Tla, who, in a single match, has already notched up almost half the casualties and tackles that his predecessor caused all season. The Vipers Apothecary has also, seemingly, learned how to fix a Smashed Collar Bone without killing the patient in the process (and about time too!)

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

The Teams of FNF V

Last week we traveled far north to Naggaroth to bring you this great team poster of the Dark Elves of Cruor Conventio

(Naggaroth - perilous seas, bitter cold and sinister hosts - and we get to go there again this week too - is this a great job or what!?!)

Zeke's Spotlight

Well Sports Fans, we've come to the end of another week of FNF Blood Bowl - and what a week it was!! Easily one of the best of the season!! And with all but one match (Undead v Halflings) broadcast on Cabalvision - there was plenty of action on offer for the fans!

The biggest talking points of the week were, of course, the couple big upsets: The huge win by the Ogre's over the Dwarves - making it tough for the Warriors to make the finals and equally tough for the Lemon's to win the Wooden Spoon they have coveted all season! Just as surprising was Perk's Elf Paste victory over the competition leaders - the Turner Eternals.

With the finals now only two weeks away - there will be plenty of games to keep an eye on over the next fortnight as several teams still have a chance to grab that last spot in the finals and the rest of the top-of-the-table teams jostle for position in the final standings!! For everyone else - I'm sure they'll be keen to give the higher ranked teams some lasting souvenirs to take with them into the finals!

Zeke is back with us this week - after taking a refresher course in basic numeracy - to present his highlights of the week.

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

Walts Warriors out of contention

With thee news that the Vipers had lost their match against the Cruor Conventio, Walts Warriors were all set to take that spot on the finals. 3 Matches to win, but the heavy favourite against all three. Nobody told the little lemons this though, or perhaps they did and it was just the sort of fire they needed to pull out the moves.

The game started well for the Dwarves receiving a high kick and spurring the death roller into action badly hurting an ogre in the first turn. However the live cabalvision feed went haywire on account of a network sync error. The game was restarted and the Dwarves were surprised to see all 6 orges back on the field.

The rematch saw the Dwarves take the ball into hand easily, and drive their cage forward. They were however unprepared for the rain of snotlings that the orges threw at them. Big ugly brutes they could handle, but these little projectile buggers managed to take down the dwarven runner in mid stride. More snotlings followed, and before they knew it one of them had the ball and was making a break for it. The dwarves put up tackle zones as best they could but turn 5 saw a snotling dodge, dodge, dodge, despite the dwarven tackling skill and push it twice over the line.

The dwarves received for a second drive, this time without their death roller to back them up, and pushed hard to get over the line, but once again snotlings rained, and ogres got in the way. The Dwarven coach battled the clock, and the clock won.

For second half the dwarves lined up conscious of the thrown snotling threat. Some good blocking allowed a hole to open up, and a blitz on the snotling ball carrier loosened the ball. This was the dwarves chance to strike back, but despite bringing up those dwarves in the back, they could not capitalise, and the snotlings just dodged grabbed the ball once again before being thrown down field just out of reach of the nearest dwarf. That dwarf pushed it to put tackle zones on, but it was no use. The snotling dodge was too good.

Things were not looking good for the dwarves as they received the kick once again. 6 turns to score twice to even the score, a tough sell for the slow moving bearded folk. But the Lemons would have none of it. they asked nicely for the wizard they had hired to please fry those pesky dwarves about to make a break for it down the sideline, and down they went, ball all. Snotlings once again flew over head to get near the ball, and once again he dwarves found themselves just out of range to of the ball carrier. some clever blocking managed to free a dwarven blocker and chain push him into range, but foolishly the Dwarven coach had already used his blitz. A single dodge and the score was 3 nil.

Despite the fans interfering with the clock, giving the dwarves another turn to maybe make a touchdown, it was no use. They knew defeat, and this time in an embarrassing display the Dwarven star Snow Tacklebeard was blitzed to the ground by a snotling. This rightly stunned the Snow, or perhaps he was too ashamed to get back up, but the clock wound down with those little buggers in possession once again, and the dwarves thankful that the whistle blew before the scoreline looked even worse.

The 3-0 victory to the Little Lemons was no doubt deserved, but we don't doubt that some coaching staff will be shaving their beards in shame tonight.

Vipers Out of Contention

The Tlaxtlan Vipers' missed their last chance to make finals last night when they were defeated by the Cruor Conventio 2-1

The game was almost a metaphor for the last half of the Vipers season - some bad luck combined with some poor Coaching decisions ran smack-bang into high quality opposition - leaving the lizards on the bottom half of the score card!

The Dark Elves won the toss and quickly advanced runners down both flanks. The Conventio refused to allow themselves to be deterred by the glaring sunlight and Evender Despair led his team in an aggressive passing game throughout the match. Despair's first pass found Lucian Bileclaw - but the Dark Elf Blitzer failed to dodge clear of the defenders. The loose ball was caught by Itztica who raced down field where a simple hand-off would have put the Vipers across the line - but the ball was dropped by Xipatli (double 1). The Dark Elves regained the ball and Evender Despair launched another pass that was caught by Messive Holocaust who carried it to the very edge of the End Zone. Some desperate defence by the Vipers knocked Holocaust to the ground - but the loose ball scattered into the hands of Leticia Nightsworn who dashed through Lizard defence to score the opening TD.

An unruly crowd started throwing debris on the pitch at the restart resulting in Nezahualcoyotl being carried off the pitch badly hurt before the ball hit the ground. Worse was to follow as the Vipers not only failed in their attempt to pick-up the ball but also lost their Kroxigor, Ixtli-Atl, who had his collar bone smashed (and career ended) in a big hit from Lucian Bileclaw (the Vipers Apothecary attempts to heal the injury nearly killed the big lizard). Nevertheless, Vipers, eventually got the ball off the ground and showed what they can do when they don't fail hand-offs and dodges - with Itztica racing over the line to level the score.

The second half began with more basic ball-handling errors by the Vipers - as the initial attempts to pick up the ball failed - and when they finally succeed - Xipatli dropped yet another hand-off. The ball was quickly scooped by the Dark Elves and a quick pass and a hand-off (the Conventio players mocking the lizardmen in the ease with which they performed all these actions) moved the ball almost the length of the field in the blink of an eye. Leticia Nightsworn declined to take the first opportunity to score as the Dark Elves staged a mini-stall. But she soon crossed the line for her second point of the day.

The restart saw the Vipers coaching staff lose the plot completely - no doubt, after last week, they were so busy counting the number of opponents on the field that they forgot to take note of their own diminished numbers. Skinks raced down-field to put themselves into positions to score right on the siren BUT no one remained in the backfield to actually pick-up the ball!! The embarrassment of this development was somewhat mitigated by the fact that all the Skinks within scoring distance where knocked down or surrounded by Dark Elves.

Thanks to Michael for the game - and the best luck in the finals.

The Vipers also bid farewell to their long suffering Kroxigor, who has elected to take early retirement after permanently damaging his shoulder. His was a career of unfulfilled promises (stuck on 15 SPPs since Rd 13), coupled with appalling personal injuries - sustaining a Smashed Collar Bone (-1 ST), Smashed Ankle (-1 MV) and a Damaged Back (Niggling) during the course of the season .

(Team poster still in the works)

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zoe's Spotlight

Round 18 is complete, and with the finals now looming, the top of table is finally working itself out, with half a dozen teams now seemingly assured of finals spots. But there remains a tight contest for the last couple of spots - so it should be an exciting end to the regular season!

Of course, the big event of the round was the demise of Howler Barksalot, who finally met the same fate that he has dished out to so many others this season. Unfortunately, as neither the Orca-Cola nor the Heroes teams have embraced the miracles of Cabalvision, we can't show you his final moments.

So on to this week's highlights. For some reason we haven't seen Zeke all week - a real shame as there are half a dozen Saurus and a Kroxigor here very keen to speak to him. In his stead, we've asked trainee referee Zoe to step in give us her (very unique) take on this weeks on-field action.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the very lovely Miss Zoe and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker played host to the Maxwell's Golden Hammer and present this superb poster of FNF V's Norse team.

(The Norse were so keen to resume their ravaging and despoiling of the coastal settlements of the Old World that we only just managed to squeeze in this hurried shot as they cast-off in their Long Boat)

Viper Lose Controversial Game

The Tlaxtlan Vipers lost another game on Friday night, going down 2-1 to the Norse Maxwell's Golden Hammer amidst considerable post-match controversy.

The Norse were on a tight "raiding and pillaging" schedule and their longboat was further delayed by several hours - but they came ashore eventually and the game got underway with the Norse winning the toss and electing to receive. The lateness of the hour had a detrimental impact on the alertness of the officials - especially their counting skills!!

A short kick-off put the ball right on the halfway line - placing the Hammer's under immediate pressure. A fierce melée developed around the ball and the Norse were briefly dispossessed. But some frenzied shoving threw two Saurus over the sidelines and opened the way to the End Zone. The Vipers scrambled back but the Norse knocked the nearest defenders out of the way and ... Stalled! Io the Cross of Death used the interlude to further embrace the European playing style, so unfortunately common in the modern game, to repeatedly foul a prone Saurus - eventually KO'ing him off the pitch just before the TD was scored.

The restart began with a riot that put extra time on the clock. The cause of the disturbance was no doubt the Vipers players trying to point out that (unnoticed by both Coaches – but clearly evident in the Cabalvision Replay) the Norse had 12 Players on the pitch. The Vipers sent a couple of Skinks deep into Hammer's territory, the Norse used the extra time (and their extra numbers) to kill a Saurus (Apoth'd) with a hard block by Willie Wonka. The Vipers attempt to score the equaliser came to nothing and the half ended with the Norse still in the lead.

The restart saw the Norse reset themselves in a Perfect Defence, all the more perfect because they again had 12 players on the pitch! The ball, however, was kicked out of bounds and handed to Mextlu who, accompanied by Nuiptl, carried it deep into the Hammer's half of the field. The Norse, aided by the advantage of more than the regulation number of players on the field, were able to surround Mextlu with four defenders and KO'd him off the field and the ball landed next to the End Zone - where Nuiptl, racing around the Norse defenders, grabbed it and scored.

With a Saurus out injured and all three KO'd players failing to recover, the Vipers restarted the match outnumbered – all the more so because the Norse once again had 12 players on the pitch!! The Norse grabbed the ball advanced down the right hand side of the field, but soon found themselves bottled up by a wall of Lizard defenders. But a flurry of big hits, injuring a Saurus, two Skinks, and KO’ing a third Skink), thinned the defenders sufficiently for the Norse to use their outrageously superior numbers to allow Iron Fist the Impaler to carry the ball into the End Zone right on full-time.

A third loss in row puts the Vipers quest for a finals berth in serious jeopardy. Players and management are pinning their hopes on; the fact that the Skinks inability to dodge during recent games surely can't last, that some minor improvements to the Saurus' personal protection gear will prevent further lop-sided biff tallies, and, above all, that the Zeke and the other game officials will ensure only the regulation number of opponents are on the field!!

Dave (aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Round 17 is complete - and what an exciting week of Blood Bowl it was. Everybody's talking about the remarkable 6-0 victory by the Wood Elves over the Cell Block A and the Halflings' belief that all their opponents are Minotaurs.

But, more importantly, the finals are just a month away!! And while the living dead continue to dominate the top of the table - the remaining finals spots are still very much up for grabs!! It should be an exciting final four weeks!!

Zeke is here once again to present some of the best highlights of the round.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League