Vipers Lose to the Eternals

Friday night saw the Tlaxtlan Vipers lose to the aptly named Turner Eternals 1-0

After the weeks rest of the Bye round - the Vipers had their full squad available to take on the Khemri team. Giving the first-placed Eternals some inducement money to splash around - which they used to instill some Bad Habits on the Lizard squad.

The Vipers received the first kick-off, a deep kick that placed the ball in the End Zone and gave the Eternals time to re-set into a Perfect Defence. The opening rounds saw the Khemri team suffer some potentially devastating blows - the death of a Tomb Guardian and broken neck (-1 AG) to a Throw-Ra - but both were regenerated. Eztli, meanwhile, had retrieved the ball and was moving quickly towards the gaping hole in the Eternals' defence created by the early casualties. But as just as he seemed about to break into clear - he failed an easy dodge - spilling the ball. Eztli, neverless eventually regained possession, only to lose it again when Gensa Khuath knocked him flying. With time running out the Vipers Kroxigor, Ixtli-Atl, attempted to clear a space around the loose ball but succeeded only in knocking himself out instead.

Despite inflicting three casualties to one - the Vipers took the field outnumbered in the second half as all the injured Khemri returned to play - but neither of the Lizards KOs, including the all important Kroxigor, recovered. The half began with a quick snap by the Eternals and for next few passages of play a ferocious melée raged on the centre of the pitch. The absence of the Kroxigor's strength (and Guard) was sorely felt by the Lizards as the Eternnals ground them down. Two casualties and a KO thinned the Vipers' numbers sufficiently for the Khemri to begin moving the ball downfield. And despite some dogged defence they eventually crossed the line for a TD.

The Vipers, now down to just nine players verses a full Khemri squad, made one last attempt to score the equaliser. Eztli fielded the ball and quickly handed it off to Tlaloc who took off towards End Zone - only one Khemri player remained bewteen him the line. But that was enough as Sebhotis Enmhat not only knocked the skink down, but injured him as well. An attempt to retrieve the loose ball in the dying seconds of the game came undone when Mextlu failed to dodge past the Throw-Ra and grab the ball.

A very close game - well played Luke. The ability to regenerate the (quite catastrophic) injuries was crucial to the game - and perhaps the Eternals season. A dead Tomb Guardian, a ST2 Blitz-Ra and AG1 Throw-Ra would undoubtedly have caused some considerable problems for the Khemri team.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Greetings Sports Fans. We are now officially in the second half of the season and the start of the countdown to the finals!! But if you were expecting this round to make the finals picture any clearer - you were in for some serious disappointment - as there is still nothing but a tight log-jam at the top of the table. And even the Ogres won a game - so anything could happen!!

As usual, veteran referee Zeke has selected some of the best highlights from the games he officiated.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

Special FNF Offer!!

The House of Axebreaker has just purchased all the equipment - at rock bottom prices - from a recently defunct Necromantic Blood Bowl team! We are pleased to share the benefits of this unexpected windfall with members of the FNF League through this special offer!!

ORDER TODAY

Disney Empire lacks an heir Walts Warriors lacks momentum.

It's true that since the demise of Prince Charming, Walt's warriors have had difficulty finding their form. Two weeks off the field, with no apparent successor, left many in doubt. And then when Prince Ferdinand joined the team, many had suspicions that with such a phoofy name, he would make no sort of Blood Bowl player that any dwarven team would want. Maybe a High elf team, or one of those Norse teams from up north, where the nights are cold and there ain't too many women.

Sure enough Prince Ferdinand first game was short lived, carried from the field with a smashed collar bone, and no longer to fulfil a useful roll on the team.

This week he watched from the sidelines, as Queen Grimhilde does what she does best. But in a job traditionally only a man should have. A real Heir will have to be found if Walt's Warriors are to rise from the ashes of the last few matches.

In tonight's game the fans thought that maybe a comeback was on the cards as Walts Warriors managed to take the ball in their own half from the Kislev Crushers. And secure it in a cage of tough dwarves. Try as they might The humans could not put a dent in the cage, and took a pounding while trying. When the Kislev Orge finally managed to shake his bone head away, and stand before the cage. out of noweher Queen Grimhilde blitzed him to the ground and it took many assistance to stretcher the badly hurt brute from the field.

A touch down to the dwarves in the 7th, but they had miscounted as dwarves sometimes do, and they were forced to bring on the Deathroller in turn eight, knowing that showing the secret weapon would allow the ref to keep it off for the second half. The Magic Mirror was upset to get only a single turn of play, and ran over a prone human lineman on his way off the pitch. The lineman miraculously was unhurt.

The second half started 10 men aside, with the dwarves receiveing and already a touch down ahead. The blocked and blocked, and humans went down, but enough of then got back up to halt the dwarven progression. the dwarves started taking risks to move forward. And bang down went the ball carrier from a single die block, leaving it within reach of a AG 5 Catcher who was itching to put another notch on his belt. But the pickup failed, and the dwarves recovered the ball and moved forward. Again they left the smallest of openings, and a blizter dashed in to take the ballcarrier down again, with a single die. this time the Kislev Crew didn't wast any time. They grabbed the ball from the ground, passed across the field to a waiting catcher, and dashed out of reach of the dwarves stumpy legs. pausing for a single turn at the touchdown line, and leaving the dwarven just 2 turns to score a winner. A hard sell for Dwarves.

The ever popular Kislev team had inspired the crowd, and they rushed onto the field trampling many players in the process. The dwarves had two turns to score, with only a few players standing. They picked the ball up, and made ... a pass? I think this play confused the reciever as well for he failed the catch ending the Dwarven hope for victory.

The whistle blew on a 1 all draw, helping Walts warriors not at all in their attempt to rescale the ladder.

The Proverbial Straw...

...that broke the Camel's (or 'Fling's, in this case) back...

I now know why no one plays Halflings: they're cursed by Nuffle!

First, it was the random winnings bug, which didn't really concern me.

Then, it was the forfeit/draw problem, which irked me.

Now, the game boots me while I'm setting up (having taken the obligatory Master Chef and Wizard...), and gives the thrice-damned Khemri a 2-0 win!

The problems a Blood Bowl Coach has to put up with...

Zeke's Spotlight

Greetings Blood Bowl Fans - with the completion of Round 11 we are now past the half-way point of the Season. It's a tight contest so far, so it should be an entertainingly close second half of the season.

This week veteran referee Zeke has done nothing but moan about the deteriorating state of the game.* It seems he is very, very upset about the large number of Fouls that were committed this week. He is a referee after all, and is paid to care about stuff like that. So, we agreed that he could use this weeks Spotlight to highlight the issue and ask that everyone play him as much attention as they would on the field (i.e. just ignore him).

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

Vipers Victory

After several trying weeks the Tlaxtlan Vipers returned to their earlier season form with a convincing 3-1 victory over the Rotting Muppets.

It seems like nearly every week the Lizards are called upon to play in some sort of extreme weather - this week was no exception with a sweltering heat-wave that lasted all day! The weather conditions, however, were much worse news for the Muppets. The Necros were already under-strength after last weeks bruiser against the Black Sun - in particular, the Muppets were playing without Frankie, their hard-hitting Flesh Golem.

The Vipers won the toss and elected to receive - a couple of hard hits on the line of scrimmage KO'd two zombies - leaving the Muppets outnumbered from the very start of the match. Eztli fielded the ball from the kick and began moving moved up the the left hand side of the field. As the Muppets' defenders moved in, however, Eztli suddenly broke right and moved the ball. with a strong escort of Saurus, deep into the Muppets' half of the field. Although the Necros quickly back-peddled - the little Skink was just too fast and sprinted over the line for a TD before the defence could get anywhere near him. The restart saw the first victims of heat-stroke unable to re-take the field. Although the Vipers lost three players to the Muppets two - the Necro victims were the team's two Wights - and with both KOs failing to recover and no reserves - the Muppets looked like they were in serious trouble. And so it proved - the Vipers defence swooped on all the Necros moving into their half of the field. When an attempt by the Muppets to change direction came undone with a failed pass, the Vipers Skinks all flew downfield after the ball. Tlaloc got there first and threw himself across the line with an energetic sprint for a TD. A riot on the restart added time to the clock - but the Necro couldn't get past the Vipers defence in the time remaining.

The second half began with both Wights again going down with heat stroke. The Vipers fared somewhat worse, losing three Saurus and a skink to the heat - leaving numbers even at nine players a piece for the kick-off. The Muppets quickly grabbed the ball and dashed down the left sideline. Although a failed hand-off looked like it might cost them a Touch Down - the Vipers failed in their attempt to grab the loose ball and Batstealer dodged clear, scooped up the ball and dashed into the End Zone.

But just as the Necros were looking good - the heat struck down more key players - taking out the Flesh Golem Pinkie and the Werewolf Ulrich. In contrast the Vipers lost just a single Skink. The Lizards use their superior numbers to move the ball quickly downfield and Mextlu carried across the line for the Vipers third. The restart reversed the numbers with the Vipers losing five players to the Heat (the Kroxigor, two Saurus and two Skinks) to the Muppets three (a Ghoul and two zombies. Added to the Vipers casualties and KOs, the Necros outnumbers the Lizards for the first time in the game. However, it was all too late in the day to have any real impact on the result.

Thanks to Scott for the game - nothing much seemed to go his way during the match. Better luck next week!

(Team Poster still in the works)

The Vipers have a Bye next week, so they'll be able to rest up and prepare for the Round 13 game against that team-destroying Khemri outfit - the Turner Eternals.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Hail Mary Pass

Recently the House of Axebreaker tried explaining how to get the Hail Mary Pass working - and, just as importantly, how to stop it from working all the time!

Here is a testimonial on the success of that advice:

DONT PICK HAIL MARY PASS WHATEVER YOU DO!!

- Ben: Orc Coach

Thus, we thought we'd try again - with a much clearer guide to using the skill.

Zeke's Spotlight

Well, sports enthusiasts, Round 10 is all wrapped up and there were some great games broadcast on Calabvision - it was an especially good week for those fans of Undead teams of all persuasions. As usual, star referee Zeke has selected some the best moments from this week's on-field action!*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker journeyed north to the distant land of Kislev to bring you this great team poster of The Kislev Crushers.

(We only managed to get this shot on the very last day when it finally stopped bloody snowing!!)

Vipers and Crushers Draw

The Tlaxtlan Vipers and The Kislev Crushers fought it out in the snow for a 1-1 Draw last night.

Kislev Stadium was, unsurprisingly, knee-deep in snow throughout the match courtesy of a persistent Blizzard that lasted the whole game - bad news for the cold-blooded Lizards! The Vipers, missing a couple of players due to injury, used their inducement money to hire a mercenary Saurus to help beef up their line.

The Lizard elected to receive and as the ball was kicked, a Kislev supporter hurled a chunk of ice at Ixtli-Atl, stunning the Kroxigor before the game had even begun. But more bad news was to follow - having waited a long time for a Skink skilled in the art of picking up the ball - the Vipers were disappointed with the results when Eztli failed to grab hold of the ball and instead knocked towards the opposition! Boris Goldgatherer, the unbelievably agile Crushers Catcher, quickly scooped up the ball while Magnus the Pious cleared a path with a block to Quotol that inflicted a lethal injury on the hapless Skink that defied all attempts by the Vipers Apothecary to remedy. Boris zig-zagged across the field - surviving four Blitzes, all of which failed to knock him over (despite using all their re-rolls, the Vipers just couldn't bring him down). But where the Lizards failed - the fickle hand of Nuffle succeeded - and Boris failed the seemingly simplest of dodges, poking his own eye out in the process (the Apothecary soon put that right) The Vipers grabbed the loose ball and dashed down field - but the half ended with them still well short of the End Zone.

The second half began with no respite from the Blizzard conditions. The ball was quickly passed to Boris, who survived another Blitz, and this time made good his dodge and ran into the End Zone for a TD. The Vipers received the next kick-off - and, yes, it was still snowing - deep in their own half. Mextlu dashed up field, hugging the left hand side line - and using his superb side-stepping skills to keep the ball in bounds when the Crushers defence knocked him down. Digging himself out of a snow drift, Mextlu was able to regather the ball and carried it all the way for a TD.

With the game nearing its end, there was still time for one more TD play by the Crushers. With the Vipers, down to just 9 players and setting up deep in defence, the Crushers where able to flood most of their team down field. The Lizards covered as many of the potential receivers as they could - prioritising the Catchers, especially Boris who again remained on his feet when Blitzed, and any players within range of the line. This, however, left Sigmar Heldenhammer in the clear and within (icy) sprinting distance of the line. The pass was delivered but Heldenhammer lost sight of the ball in a flurry of snow - ending the match in a draw.

The mercenary Saurus - who did little except cause several turn-overs with his inept blocking - was also awarded the Vipers MVP. Demonstrating once and for all that the whole system is nothing but a complete farce. But the good news is that for the first time in a while the Vipers will take to field next week with a full squad of Saurus!

Thanks to Adam for the game - I think the Vipers were very lucky to come out of that one with a draw.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Slim pickings for Zeke this week with just two matches broadcast on Cabalvision (through their wholly owned subsidiary Blood Bowl Manager).

As you've already seen most of the highlights from the clash between Cell Block A and our own Tlaxtlan Vipers - we asked Zeke to chose just a couple of the best moments from the game between Herman's Heroes and the Black Plagues.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker was invited to the maximum security penitentiary that houses CELL BLOCK A.

(We were not at all disappointed that the warden refused to let the players out of the cells. In fact, confining players to cages should be considered by all FNF Coaches - as it certainly makes our job so much easier and safer)

Vipers Thrashed by Cell Block A

The Tlaxtlan Vipers lost their second game in as many weeks this Round - soundly defeated by Cell Block A 2-0.

With the Block's star Minotaur, Charles Manson, sitting out the game with an injury, the Vipers looked a good chance to win the game despite their lower team value. But it wasn't to be - both Coaches had occasion to curse their luck during the course of the match - but was the Chaos boys of the Block that proved better able to recover from the vicissitudes of fortune.

Chaos won the toss and elected to receive and began the game laying a flurry of blocks that knocked down all the Vipers defenders on the line of scrimmage. The Vipers' reply was as short as it was poorly executed with Ixtli-Atl crashing to ground in the very first attempt at a block (the first of three Double Skulls the hapless Kroxigor threw this match) The Block moved the ball quickly down the left hand of side of the field - but got no further as a wayward pass (the first of several unlucky passing attempts for the Chaos team) grounded the ball in open territory. The Vipers quickly gathered it up, but their drive was stopped on the line of scrimmage. Both teams fought for possession - but it was the Block that eventually emerged with the ball and Clarence Ray Allen eluded his pursuers to score the first TD.

The second half began well for the Vipers with Michlatecuhtli removing Roger Embry with a solid block, but that marked the high tide of the Lizardmen's game. Although the ball was grabbed by Tlaloc - the Vipers attempts to form a protective cage around him came undone when Huitxilihuitl knocked himself out of the game trying to dash into position. The Block quickly capitalised and Tlaloc was relieved of the ball and removed from game in big hit by Bobby L Basite that left the Beastman stunned too. The Vipers almost recovered the ball, but a failed dodge by rookie Nuiptl again saw the ball go flying and another Skink in the infirmary. The Block moved quickly and put on a great play that saw Kenneth Boydd dodge clear of Ixtli-Atl prehensile tail, scoop up the ball and push himself some extra distance down field to deliver a pass. The pass, however, was a poor one - but it scattered and bounced right into the hand of the intended receiver Steve McHone!! The Beastman than jogged over the line to secure the Blocks win.

Thanks to Damo for the game - the Chaos boys outplayed the Lizards at every turn and were deserving winners in a tough match.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

It's been a busy time at the House of Axebreaker for the last few days - but now the last relative has headed for home, more time can to devoted to the FNF.

So let's start by catching up with all the Round 8 action courtesy of a selection of highlights from last week's games by veteran referee Zeke.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League