The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker presents this superb poster of Walt's Warriors.

(We particularly enjoyed this assignment - especially the roller coasters)

Better than Expected...

McMmm's game against Maxwell's Golden Hammer went much better than expected.

After a three week layoff due to byes, the 'Flings and their coach were a bit rusty taking the field.

Having large sums of cash at my disposal for Inducements, I sensibly took two Wandering Apothecaries to bolster the boys on the field, and foolishly took a Wizard, instead of a Halfling Master Chef and a Babe.

The Wizard was largely inefective when he was used, failing to knock down the Minotaur, and only managing to knock down three players with AV 7.

Rusty, as I said...

This continued through to the first couple of turns, where I promptly forgot everything I knew about playing "safe" Blood Bowl, and effectively handed a touchdown to Big A due to my poor playing (which isn't to say he wasn't playing a good game - he wasn't. He was playing a brilliant game :-) ).

Coupled with the usual high casualties on the 'Flings side of things, including the death of one experienced player, the boys did manage to score a sole one turn touchdown through the now highly anticipated Halfling toss, versus the four TD's scored by the Norse.

I always knew this game was going to be a tough ask for the little fellas, and they acquitted themselves well, despite the best efforts of their coach...

Kudos to Big A for what was pretty much a flawless game on his behalf. He has a tough team, and he knows how to play them (and how to make best use of his Star Player points - the first time a 'Fling got sacked by a Norse player with Diving Tackle I was surprised; the second time I almost puched myself in the face for my own stupidity).

The game is available on Cabalvision. Watch it to see how not to coach a Halfling team, and how to coach a Norse team...

Cheers,


Nestyr

Match Rating Shock

Walt's Warriors defeated the Tlaxtlan Vipers in close game last night 1-0.

Despite the closeness of the contest the Match Rating Agency, Bastard & Claws (B&C), awarded the match just 9/20! Given that B&C routinely rate all the unplayed draws of the bye rounds at 8/20 - they have, in effect, officially labelled the game one of the most boring of the season. Harsh!!

The Warriors won the toss and elected to receive. Lining up on the line-of-scrimmage, the Dwarfs found themselves face to face with the great Lizardman Star Player Slibli. The kick-off was fielded cleanly by White Murphy and the Dwarfs began to grind their way down field - slowly wearing down the Vipers defences as several Lizards were knocked off the pitch injured, KO'd or shoved over the side-lines. Eventually Murphy broke clear of the defence and raced for the End Zone - only to stop just short of the line to use up time with a stall (clearly this is a Euro-Disney franchise). Slibli, however, raced down field and threw a tackle zone on the time-wasting dwarf. But the Warriors knocked him aside and Murphy scored just before half-time.

The Vipers drive in the second half began well with the ball picked-up cleanly by Itztica and advanced towards the half way line. But, try as they might, the Lizards just couldn't open up a gap in the Warriors' defence with most of their blocks just shoving the dwarfs about a bit. A failed block gave the Warriors a chance to rush the ball carrier and Itztica was KO'd and the ball sent flying. Tlaloc eventually regathered the ball - but with time running out and an ever diminishing number of Skinks on the field - he decided to go for broke with a bold dash through the middle of the dwarf defence - and he came very close to succeeding. Racing through multiple tackle zones he emerged into the clear - only to knock himself out trying to gain some extra yards. The dwarfs quickly seized the ball and the game wound down to a close with score line remaining 1-0.

Thanks to Geoff for the game. The loss sees the Vipers perilously close to dropping out of the Top 8 altogether - and with two tough matches against the Norse Hammer and Dark Elf Conventio in the coming fortnight - the Lizards season is on a knifes edge!

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Round 16 has been completed, meaning we are just FIVE games away from the start of the finals!! The top three teams, all undead types - Turner Eternals, Herman's Heroes and the Sporting Ancestors, appear to have secured themselves quarter final berths - so all eyes are now on the contest for the final five spots!!

As always, Zeke is here to present some the highlights of the round!*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker presents this magnificent team poster of the Undead Plague of the Black Sun.

(We've said it before, but we'll say it again - Ghouls are really, really creepy to be anywhere near!)

Viper Play Whole Game in Fine Weather!

The Tlaxtlan Vipers lost to the Plagues of the Black Sun 1-0 in very close match Monday night.

Unusually for a Vipers game, fine weather persisted for the entire match. Such weird meteorological conditions clearly unsettled the Skinks - who kept glancing at the strange blue sky to the detriment of their ability to dodge - sustaining 6 tackles during the match - more than double their previous worst performance.

The Black Sun won the toss and elected to receive - but they were immediately in difficulty as the Ghouls couldn't pick up the ball. Eventually the ball was scooped up and rushed over the half way line on the left hand side of the field. But the Vipers defence made further progress difficult. Both sides traded injuries until Son of Iblis made a break with ball. But the dogged Vipers defenders raced after him and Ixtli-Atl loomed over him with his prehensile tail at the ready. A failed dodge in the backfield, however, prevented Son of Iblis even trying for the TD. Ixtli-Atl's run down field seemed to knock him around and, as he attempted a block just before the half-time siren sounded, he fell down dead clutching his chest. The Apothecary managed to get his heart beating again but somehow also crushed the Kroxigor's ankle in the process.

With neither of their KO'd Skinks recovering, the Vipers retook the field at the start of the second half with just 9 players. They immediately moved the ball up the left hand side of the field - with the rookie Itztica making a game run for the line. But the Undead were quickly all over him and the ball was knocked loose and regathered by Cerebus - who took off down field. The Vipers attempt to stop him failed and he crossed the line for a TD!

With time running out (and no Re-Rolls) the Viper needed a something special to even the score. Their drive began extremely well - several defenders were knocked down and stunned and the ball was successfully picked up and hand-off to Nuiptl, the fastest Skink on the team. But it all came undone when he failed to dodge his way past the defence, crashing to the ground agonisingly close to the End Zone.

Thanks to Zen for enjoyable, hard fought match - next time :)

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Walt's Warriors vs Maxwells Golden Hammers

Anticipation was high for two of this seasons big hitting teams faced off. Weather reports indicated extreme heat, and the Norse side not used to such conditions chipped in there own hard earned cash for some bloodwiser babes to keep them refreshed.

Sure enough, the heat was on in more ways than one as the Norse took receivership of the ball, and began to smack the dwarves all over the pitch, along with a couple off the pitch. At quarter time the ball was in scoring range for the Norse side, but for Dwarven Runner White McMurphey, finally showing his worth, blitzed the carrier down and took the ball himself. It was a short lived victory however as the Norse pounced on him sending the ball scattering and back into the hands of the the Northmen.

Whites moves had bought enough time for the 2 dwarven blitzers Doc and Bashful to fall back and get into the mix. Again the Norse ball carrier went down, and the ball came loose. Norse players seemed to be everywhere, but this time they though the path was relatively clear, they couldn't pick up the ball.
The two Blitzers worked well together, Bashful chain pushing the Norse players to free up the ball, and Doc grabbing the ball and running his little legs off to get it clear of the touchdown line.

The Norse of course gave chase, and though they sent Doc to the ground hard enough to stun him for the rest of the half, the ball bounced out of reach, and the Dwarves managed to hold the score at nil all at half time.

After such an exhausting half, the heat began to take it's toll on the Norse side, nearly half the players too hot to return to the match. A few dwarf players decided to stay in air conditioned comfort too, but most came out to do battle with their secret weapon, the Magic Mirror.

Not much can be said for the second half, except that it was not good to be a Norse player. Snow Tacklebeard expertly placed himself under the high kick, and started his run with 4 guards surrounding him. Magic Mirror took on most of the scrimmage line by himself with his multiple block, and the rest of the dwarves ran around looking for Norse players to hit.

The Norse put a bit of pressure on Whites cage for a few rounds. The remaining Norse werewolf got pushed into the crowd who in a frenzy crushed the life out of him, later to be revived by the teams apothecary, then a few Norse Players were KO'ed on the pitch, and the pressure lifted. White moved forward with his honour guard. Magic Mirror began to roll over the few Norse players lying prone on the ground. And the blitzers chased the remaining beserker who though the only Norse player still upright still got surprisingly close to the ball.

A hush fell over the crowd as White neared the touchdown line. Something never before seen in this league had occurred. Not a single Norse player was left on the field, and the Dwarves still had plenty of time on the clock. Snow gathered his brave little men around him to congratulate them on a match well played before stepping over the touchdown line.

The Ref's too were shocked at the absence of Norse players. Thinking the Norse had left the stadium due to the heat, and abandoned the match, they called the game a forfeit win to the Dwarves, even while the Norse coach screamed at his players all passed out in the locker room to wake up.

A great game played by Big-A, who took some terrible luck very well. The first half should have been a touchdown for him but for a failed pickup, or if any one of 3 blitzes of mine had failed, or if the ball had bounced the other way in the final turn. This allowed me to bring on the Deathroller in the second half, which otherwise would have been wasted on a turn 8 Drive.The sweltering heat really did a number on him in the second half, almost assuring me a win.

To add insult to injury in the 16th turn with no chance to score for the Norse, the game lost sync, and the only way to continue was for Big-A to disconnect which lost him his winnings and his MVP. Though he keeps all his injuries from the match. This was discussed, and it was judged not fair to replay the game once it had been convincingly won. Big-A took all this with grace that few blood bowlers could hope to display.

Zeke's Spotlight

Hi there sports fans,

Another week of the FNF has been completed - with all the usual highs and lows and a few unexpected twists. This week there were more Byes than games actually completed - including an unscheduled forfeit (that paid out) and planned one (that didn't)! If you hear a loud noise in the next couple of days, don't panic, that's just the sound of Zenthaalx's head exploding.

There was also plenty of excitement on the field. As always, veteran referee Zeke presents some of the highlights of the round from the games broadcast on Cabalvision!*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

Tlaxtlan Vipers Supporters Merchandise

The House of Axebreaker is proud to present their new line of supporter apparel.

We are also pleased to welcome back Alyssa Milano to the team after her successful treatment at the Bon Temps Thrall Rehabiliation Clinic.

The Teams of FNF V

This week we feature the Wood Elves of Perk's Elf Paste in this magnificent Team Poster.

(The Wood Elves refused to stand on the tiered bench we normally use for the team posters - they claimed that no other team would be expected to stand on the mutilated corpse of one the races represented in the team. When we pointed that several teams had, in fact, asked for that very thing - they remained unmoved)

Vipers Beat Paste

Last night the Tlaxlan Vipers defeated the Wood Elves of Perk's Elf Paste 3-2 in a hard fought and close game!

The Vipers, missing their Kroxigor Ixtli-Atl, had a fair bit inducement money to play with and, after considerable thought (Burn Them All - take a Wizard!) elected to inflict some Bad Habits on the Wood Elves and purchased a couple of agility potions for the Skinks. However, while Mextlu was positively humming after imbibing his potion, Eztli remained unaffected (perhaps an ominous early sign that the talented skink's old concussion injury giving him problems?)

Electing to receive, the Lizards fielded the ball deep in their own half as most of the Perk's players flooded down field. Tlazohtlaloni's newly developed skill at tackling came in very handy throughout the match, and no more so than now, as he knocked down a Wardancer, opening hole that allowed Eztli to scoot past the elves and across the half way line. The woodies were soon wishing they had some tackling know-how of their own as a Blitz failed to bring down Eztli - but the swiftness of the Elves allowed them to seemingly pin him against the sideline. But Achcauhtla came crashing in to the rescue with a ferocious block that killed Hot and Spicy II (the Perk's Apothecary failed to revive him - so presumably he is now in a jar of fine elven paste somewhere) Eztli then dashed along the sideline, past several elves - a journey that took him through four tackle zones - and into the clear!! He survived another Blitz and ran in the opening TD.

Despite having one Thrower dead and the other (with his valuable Leader skill) suffering from a prolonged KO - the Wood Elves struck back quickly. An initial move down right hand side of field succeeded in drawing in most of the Lizard defenders - before the Perk's executed a sudden break to the left. Squishy dashed across the field and handed the ball off to Soft - who dodged away to score the equaliser! Not to be out done, the Vipers were just as quick with a reply. Eztli grabbed the ball, staying on his feet after yet another Blitz (and his sure hands defying the attempt to strip the ball from his grasp), and handed it off to Mextlu - who raced down field to put the Lizards in the lead.

Unusually for a Vipers game, the most of the first half was played in fine weather - but that surely couldn't last!?! And, just before the next kick-off, it started to rain - and kept raining for the remainder of the match. Meanwhile, the elves had just started get their players into position for another assault on the Lizard's line, when their Treeman, Hornbeamforect, KO'd himself in a very poor attempt at a Block, ending the half.

The wet conditions resulted in the woodies fumbling their attempt to pick up the ball at the restart - allowing a flood of Skinks and Saurus to rush forward - resulting in the development a enormous brawl around the ball that eventually involved most of the players from both teams. During the course of this melée, Eztli was killed ( ...sob... ) and the Perk's line-elf, Chicken, was serious injured as the ball bounced around like a bar of wet soap. Eventually it popped clear and the drug-assisted agility of Mextlu (and a Re-Roll) enabled him to finally pick it up and sprint away for a TD. With time running out, unless there was a string of Riots, the woodies now couldn't win - but they could still demonstrate their mastery of the passing game -and that's exactly what they did. Sweet and Sour, back on the field after his overly long rest, flipped a pass to Squishy - who acted as though the defenders surrounding him simply weren't there. He then dashed away, dodging past several defenders, and sprinted into the End Zone for a TD!!

Thanks to Phil for the game. Always a challenge to play against the fast and agile woodies who can score from almost anywhere! A highly enjoyable game - well, except for the death of one of my best-est Skinks :(

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Greetings Sports Fans, Round 14 has been and gone - and the finals picture is still no clearer. There were a lot of draws and byes - with the only convincing win of the round occurring lower down the ladder with the Wood Elves thrashing the Ogres 5-0.

As usual Zeke presents some of the best highlights of the round from the matches broadcast on Cabalvision.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker journeyed north to the Chaos Wastes to capture this great team poster of The Lords of Misrule.

(We had braced ourselves for the usual appalling sights and awful experiences that an assignment like this usually brings. But we were pleasantly surprised to find it not all that bad. We have no idea where the label Misrule is derived - unless it is a reference to a taste for outrageous architecture)

Walt's Warriors vs The Black Plague

It was an important match to win with both teams 3 points away from finals qualification, and ranked 12 and 13th place on the ladder, opportunities to get back up are becoming limited.

Vipers and Lords Draw

Last night, in an exciting and hard fought game, another last second pass by the The Lords of Misrule leveled the scores at 2-2 in a cliff-hanger of match a against the Tlaxtlan Vipers.

As usual, the Vipers game began with weird weather conditions - this time it was unusually bright sunshine While the Bloodweiser Babes set up a stall in the Vipers' dug-out, the Lizards won the toss and elected to receive. Due to an unfortunate coaching mix-up The Lords kicker was left on the bench and the ball was kicked out of bounds and handed straight to Mextlu. The skink took off up the right hand sideline and seem to be almost in the clear - but Tyr'Gor Skullflayer lowered his horns and pushed himself to the very limit to knock the skink down and send the ball flying. A fierce fight then developed along the sidelines that resulted in a Saurus, a Beastman and the ball knock out out of play. The ball was flung back to the centre line where it scooped up and whisked away by Xipatli. The Lords made a desperate attempt to bring him down, but he dodged clear and dashed across the line for a TD. Throughout the half, The Lords had been grinding down the Vipers - with their hits taking a surprisingly heavy toll on the Saurus - and the restart added to that with another Saurus carried off the field. The Lords attempted remove yet another Saurus through fouling, but failed and brought down the wrath of Zeke on their cheating heads as Ar'gor Spineripper was ejected from the game.

The Vipers began the second half able to field just 10 players - and half of whom were skinks! Another Saurus was KO'd early as The Lords formed a cage around the ball carrier, Cry'gor Shadowpelt, and moved relentlessly down the field. The mostly skink defenders inconvenienced the Chaos cage - but couldn't stop it - and Shadowpelt crossed the line for the equaliser. The Vipers struck back hard and fast with Ixtli-Atl knocking a Beastman out of the game and Xipatli bolting with the ball downfield. Although he was brought down, the plucky skink was soon back on his feet and retrieved the ball - carrying it into the End Zone for another TD.

With time running out The Lords needed sometime special to equal the scoreline and did not disappoint. They were aided by the appearance of clouds that reduced the burning glare of the sun - considerably improving the odds of a successful passing play. Three receivers were quickly sent downfield as Cry'gor Shadowpelt grabbed the ball. The Vipers marked the each of the potential receivers with two players and a skink dashed forward to throw a Tackle Zone on Cry'gor. A blitz removed one of the players marking Tharn'gor the Beserk and he dodged clear of the other and sprinted into the End Zone to await the pass. Cry'gor dodged clear of the skink marking him and pushed himself as far as possible to release the pass. The crowd held it breath as Tlaloc attempted to intercept the ball, but he failed, and it sailed into the waiting hands of Tharn'gor to tie the game at 2-2!!!

Thanks to Mick for a great game - a very close affair with some successful long-odds plays on both sides. For the Vipers, next week they will be without their Kroxigor, Ixtli-Atl, who copped a painful blow to his spine in the final minutes of the game. His Prehensile Tail, in particular, will be sorely missed in next week's game against the elusive Wood Elves.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Well folks, Round 13 (unlucky for some - lucky for others) is all wrapped up! There are just seven rounds remaining until the start of the finals - and it's still almost anyone's season!

As usual, Referee Zeke is here to present some the best highlights from this week's games.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

The Teams of FNF V

This week we traveled to the ancient land of Turner to bring you this great team poster of the Turner Eternals!

You know, we've had occasion to travel to Turner numerous times in the past - but strangely, we've never noticed this vast complex of ancient pyramids and temples before - weird!

Prince Valiants Debut

Due to popular demand Prince Valiant has usurped Prince Ferdenands place. Yes, this week just minutes before the match, the disappointing Prince Ferdinand was dragged kicking and screaming from the stadium, as the crowd went wild for the new Dwarven Prince.

Mooters Lose Again!

The Mooters lost their game against Korne's Killers tonight, but what a game it was!

Despite the death of one of their upcoming Stars, Ponto, the Mooters put in a solid performance against the much more experienced Orc team.

Yes, they yet again had a total of eight casualties, including one death, but this loss could so easily have been a 2-1 win to the Mooters.

At the end of the second half, we were witness to the now familiar one turn touchdown attempt. Everything went fine except, after all the fuss and bother of going through the motions of getting the little fella downfield (and there was no one blocking his way), even if he stretched himself to the limit, he was going to be one square short of the end zone...

Flash forward now to the end of the second half. With only five Mooters on the field (including two Treemen - one of them Star Player Deeproot), the Mooters managed to get a player into the end zone.

Deeproot thumped the only Orc near the ball, knocking him senseless.

Then the Mooter's remaining Treeman (jumped up on an Agility potion, some said), swooped in, picked up the ball, and passed it to the waiting Halfling!

Alas, the pass was inaccurate, and landed, agonisingly, next to the waiting 'Fling, just outside the end zone.

Definitely one worth watching, so download it from Cablevision, sit back, and enjoy...

Cheers,


Jeff