Prince Charming vs the Wolf

It sounds like a fairy tale, and thats not far from the truth. Snow, White, and their Band of dwarves set out against the forces of evil, those rotting muppets, with a Hi Ho, Hi Ho, and a skip in their step.

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker is pleased to present this superb print of the Sporting Ancestors at their ancient Necropolis at Tell-el-Vis .

(We did ask several times the identity of the figure depicted in the many, many statues here. But communicating with the Khemri players and management was difficult as they only speak, quite literally, a dead language. The only answer we could get was that he was the "Pharaoh of Stone and Turning" - which enlightened us not at all!)

Axebreaker

Two Winning Streaks at an End!

The much anticipated Top-of-the-Table clash between the Sporting Ancestors and the Tlaxtlan Vipers was played last night - ending in a 1-1 Draw.

Conditions for the game were dreadful - with a Blizzard lasting the whole game and covering the field with a layer of perilously slippery ice. The Ancestors won the toss and elected to Kick. The Vipers quickly grabbed the ball and moved it rapidly down the right side of the field. Xapitli made an early break for the line but learnt the hard way just how effective is the Ancestors' defence when he was knocked down, dispossessed and carried off the field seriously injured. Nevertheless, Tototli was on hand to grab the ball and, braving the ice, pushed himself across the line for a TD - the first conceded by the Ancestors this season.

A good start to the game for he Vipers, but that was last time in the match that one of their players held the ball. The remainder of the game being devoted to the slow grinding drives for which the Khemri are justly famous. The Ancestors spent the remainder of the half moving the ball relentlessly down field - and looked to have a TD in the bag right on the siren - when disaster struck and Upenaten lost his footing on the ice and crashed to the ground just as he carried the ball into the End Zone!

The second half saw the Khemri resume where they had left off and they began another steady down-field drive. Along the way they inflicted several injuries to the Vipers' squad - including a nasty hit on Tototli for having the effrontery to ruin their previously perfect defensive record. The Vipers best chance to stop the Khemri was lost when Ixtli-Atl, unused the cold conditions, had a brain freeze and stood staring at the snow rather Blitzing the ball carrier. Upanaten carried the ball almost the length of field before pausing in the corner to use up time. The Vipers almost made him regret that decision when Nezahualcoyotl pushed himself across the ice and laid a Tackle Zone on the talented Throw-Ra. But the rookie Blitz-Ra, Alabastra Phalluset, saved the day with a Blitz that knocked the Saurus clear, allowing Upanaten to stroll, very careful, across the line for the equalising TD!

Thanks to Supercoach for an enjoyable and hard fought game.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

Well Sports Fans, another week of FNF Blood Bowl has been completed and veteran Referee Zeke has selected some of the best highlights from his Round 3 games.*

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker or the FNF League

More from Axebreaker Studios

Following the critical and financial success of our first cinematic release - "Apocalypto" - the House of Axebreaker (in conjunction with Axebreaker Studios) is very pleased to announce the premiére of our new and exciting film!

Third time lucky for the elves against Walt's Warriors

Walt's Warriors Drew 3 Elf matches in a row for the start of Season V, and while picking up two good victories against the High Elves and the Wood Elves, the Dwarves could not pick up the trifector, and lost in a close fought battle against the Dark elves this week.

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker is proud to present the Undead line-up of the Vile Vilots.

(We'd just like to say that Ghouls are really, really disturbing creatures to be anywhere near)

Axebreaker

Vipers Make It Three In A Row

The Tlaxtlan Vipers defeated the Vile Vilots last night - downing the luckless Undead team 2-0.

With 190,000 gp in Inducements to spend - the Vilots invested in some Extra-Training, Babes (serving gods-knows what in the Undead dug-out) and some hard drugs to boost a Wight's agility. This enjoyable little spending spree, however, was the high point of the Vilots game. Once the whistle sounded they just couldn't seem to catch a break.

An early handling error deep in their own half derailed the Vilots' opening drive. It was the Vipers that were eventually to emerge with the ball from the ensuring melée and Tototli crossed the line for his first TD. To add to the Vilots woes, the restart was preceded by the appearance of Very Sunny conditions that didn't bode well for any attempt at a quick reply with a well time pass. Some clumsy Blocking on the line by the Undead used up more precious time and the half ended with ball still in the Vilots half of the pitch. The silver-lining to the Vilots cloud was they were ahead in the Biff stakes - two Skinks lay Badly Hurt in the Vipers' dug-out and Lizard's Apothecary had used up all his medical supplies patching up a Saurus earlier in the game.

The second half began with Tototli fielding the ball cleanly from kick off and - with a strong escort of Saurus - he quickly took off up the left flank. The Vilots attempts to stop this drive came to nothing and Tototli soon sprinted into the End Zone for his second TD. The next kick-off saw Vilots quickly move the ball into Vipers' territory for the first time in the game as Dandelion, juiced up to his eye-sockets on agility drugs, made a break through Lizards' defensive line. But he was quickly run down. Tototli was again on hand to grab the loose ball - but his attempt at a TD hat-trick failed when he was pinned on the side-lines and couldn't Dodge his way clear.

Thanks to Simon for game - some bad luck at key moments really made the game a bit of an ordeal for him. Best of luck with the team in the rest of season.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

The Lords of Misrule 2 - Orca Cola Killers 0

The Lords of Misrule have endured a brutal game against the Orca Cola Killers which saw them lose two of their players two injury in the early stages of the match. The Lords chose to receive the kick off and put together another one of their trademark drives upfield after the injured Killers player #04 Gramva that saw him miss the remainder of the game. This promising drive was suddenly disrupted by the loss of two of their key players within the next minute.

One of these injuries was caused by a hit from Killers #03 Blitzer, Azhar, who blitzed the newly signed chaos warrior #12 Typhus Souleater and fractured his arm, crushing his armour like it was made of paper. It was alleged by officials from the Lords camp that Azhar had been seen drinking a strength potion, and this was proven when replays following the game showed him drinking not 1 but 3 strength potions to give him that edge he was seeking. Managing to come back from these losses the Lords ground the ball slowly upfield crossing late in the first half to take the 1-0 lead.

The second half saw Azhar come out frothing at the mouth leading his team upfield when they received the kick, first killing Lords #05 Bryn'gor the Vile who fortunately was resurrected at the price of his soul by the team apothecary. And then clubbing #11 Grim'gor the Reaver senseless injuring him enough to force him to miss the remainder of the match. These losses nearly saw the Lords defensive wall crumble but the suicidal blitzes of its players into the Orc cage saw Azhar who had been passed the ball brought down and the ball rolled to the feet of Lords #05 Kurgan Bloodhowl.

Scooping up the ball, Kurgan screamed for Lords #10 Sar'Gor Hammerfist to get downfield before winding back with the ball and launching it downfield in a perfect spiral pass deep down field to the shock of everyone on the field including Sar'Gor who instead of moving upfield and maintaining the gap between himself and the Killers' players simply stood there dumbstruck at the beautiful pass from Kurgan. Seizing this opportunity Azhar charged upfield and knocked Sar'Gor off his feet but the bounce of the ball didn't favour him as it fell just out of reach as the supporting Lords players reached Azhar barging him over and running it into the endzone to seal the win.

Coach Maddenson spoke after the match about Kurgan's pass and how this single action took what would more than likely have been a draw and turned it on its head. "That crazy S.O.B. never ceases to surprise me, next thing you know he's going to try and dodge past the enemy like a damned elf". Maddenson also addressed the allegations of Killers #03, Azhar, and the doping allegations. "Why not?, of course I'm going to complain if I think I can have an opposition player miss the game but if he was on my team after a performance like that I'd pump that maniac so full of strength potions his biceps would have biceps". "Here's hoping we don't have to face that lunatic again as he nearly singlehandedly won the game for his team".

Zeke's Spotlight

Another FNF Round has been completed and the House of Axebreaker presents some of the highlights as selected by Zeke the Zebra from the games he personally refereed!*

Axebreaker

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker ot the FNF League.

Coach Nestyr Going AWOL

Coach Nestyr is going AWOL.

His better half has recovered sufficiently to be able to travel, so he is packing up, and taking her up North for three weeks, for some fun and sun.

Never fear, however, as Coach has brought in a ringer for the next three rounds - experienced all-round Coach, Drakeular.

Drakeular has kindly offered to take over the team during Nestyr's absenc, at the low, low price of Nestyr's first-four born (so basically, he's doing it for nothing, heh-heh-heh...).

Of course, the lynchpin of this offer is that Nestyr is supposed to face off against Drakeular in round four, which I suspect is part of some cunning plan of Drakeular's devising. To help remove this issue, Nestyr is looking for someone to coach the team in round four - I'm looking, hopefully, at you, Givo. I'll even offer you my fifth born (hey, it worked once!).

Once Nestyr has returned from the Choas Wastes to the North, he will resume his coaching duties.

Thankyou for your attention.

Regards,


Jeff B

The Lords of Misrule defeat Vile Vilots 2-1

The Lords of Misrule have staged another come from behind win this week against the Vile Vilots. The Vilots opened the game with a crushing hit on Lord's #03 Lyrr'gor the Foul that saw him take no further part in the match. Shellshocked, the Lords scrambled to re-arrange their defence but the Vilots made a clinical drive downfield with their two mummies, The Ancient Petal and The Chief Rose crushing all in their path to cross for 1-0 lead. The tide turned when Vilots #05 Bluebell stumbled dodging out of a tackle zone, spraining their ankle and being take from the field levelling the number of players facing eachother.

The Lords pressed the change in fortune driving the ball up the left field that was capped with the Wight #03, Dandilion, being driven off the field and beaten sensless by the crowd. While no permanent damage was done, Dandilion couldn't return as an overzealous dwarf fan stole his skull and used it as a stein for the remainder of the game, authorities confirm that his head has since been recovered, as well as the head of the dwarf that took it. The Lords capped this drive off with a touchdown to finish the half.

The second half was dominated by knockouts and further injuries to both teams but what ever depraved and desperate sacrifices were made during half time worked with the Lords sealing the win with a final touchdown in the second half following a desperate defence by the Vilots to recover the ball went unsuccessful. Coach Maddenson congratulated the Vilots on a hard fought match and most journalists agreed with him awarding the match a 19/20 rating calling it one of the games of the round.

The Teams of FNF V

This week the House of Axebreaker presents this stunning image of the Orcs boyz of Arc Lightnin

(When we asked if standing so close to all that lightning was dangerous the Orcs response was less than reassuring - "Nah, Nah, Nah, - if youze get hit it will just kill ya". Orcs are weird!)

Axebreaker

Vipers Defeat Lightnin

The Tlaxtlan Vipers won their match last night against the Orcs of Arc Lightnin 2-1. It was a game that saw plenty of Bowl but very little Blood as neither side inflicted a single casualty.

The Orcs won the toss and elected to receive - but a short kick-off and Perfect Defence placed immediate pressure on the Lightnin boyz. Confronted by a solid wall of Saurus, the Orcs attempted several changes of direction to get past the defence. But the to-ing fro-ing opened a gap in their line which the Sausus quickly enlarged, allowing Cauahtémoc to Blitz through and bring down the Orcs' Thrower, Gughor, ball and all. The Skinks quickly swooped on the loose ball, only to be dispossed themselves by some desperate defence. The Vipers superior speed, however, eventually prevailed and Eztli was able to get clear with the ball and score the first TD. The re-start resulted in a Riot that took time off the clock and the first half ended with little more achieved by either side.

The second half began with both sides fielding full squads as all KOs (one Skink and two Orcs) made full recoveries. The Skinks quickly grabbed the ball and moved swiftly as a unit up the left flank. A TD seemed certainly until Mogbad, displaying all the agility of a Wardancer, dodged clear of one defender and, pushing himself to the very limit, dodged into two Tackle Zones to take down Totoli and knock the ball loose. A frantic scramble for the ball developed on the side-lines and it was eventually knocked into the crowd. The spectators obligingly threw it back deep in to the Orcs half where Eztli was able to easily retrieve it and score the Vipers second TD.

With game nearing its end, it needed something special for the Orcs to score - and they did not disappoint. Demonstrating some amazing agility Gughor dodged his way clear of the defence, lunged forward and let fly with a Long Pass that somehow found Grifta who put on an extra burst of speed that carried him over the line for a TD to end the game.

Thanks to Josh for the game. His Orcs put on a great display, pulling off some remarkable plays that were a pleasure (and at times quite alarming) to watch. Best of luck in the rest of the season.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

Zeke's Spotlight

The House of Axebreaker is pleased to bring you some of the best highlights of Round 1 as presented by that Referee Extraordinairé - Zeke the Zebra.*

Zeke, being a celebrity Ref, only officiates at games carried by Cabalvision (though its subsidiary Blood Bowl Manager).

* The highlights and commentary presented here are those of the goblin and not necessarily those of the House of Axebreaker ot the FNF League.

One Funny Stat in the Hall of Fame...

With one round completed, and many to go, I had to chuckle at some of the stats in the Hall of Fame, particularly the list of Best Throwers.

My Halflings have not one, not two, but three players in the top ten throwers after round one, including the Treeman, Branch Pinebranch, in the number one spot (presumably for passing 'flings around the park?!?) :-).

Now, while this does tickle my funny bone, there is another list which I don't find funny at all: Survivors.

I have 13 Halflings on my team, with stats of 5, 2, 3, 6, and Stunty. All of these little buggers are still alive after the first match. Not one of these guys made it into the Survivors list. I could understand this if they had been displaced by Snotlings, but it does not appear any of them made the list, either.

Here's the proof:
I feel this to be a grievous error in the rankings, and want it fixed as soon as possible! :-D

Cheers,


Nestyr

Walt's Warriors defeat the Keen Knives

Coach Twickster has come a long way in a short time, this season being entrusted to coach those fairy tale dwarves by Walt himself. His opposition in the first round, a seasoned veteran Kundy Kid, taking the pride of the High Elf league, the Keen Knives onto the field.

As soon as Snow Tacklebeard, and White Murphey lead their team onto the pitch, Prince charming went off the reservation, madly pushing the first High elf he could see in a frenzy, but tripping over himself in the process. This was followed by Snows failure to pick up the ball.

The keen knives, were in fact quiet keen to take the advantage, and went for the ball, a few rounds of tussle found the Elves in possession, but not for long. Remembering that they were creatures of legend, or at least children stories, the Dwarves surrounded the elves and began to pummel them to the ground, putting 4 of them out of commission and coming out with the ball in the hands of Snow Tacklebeard, who took the rest of the half to run the length of the field surrounded by 4 of those famous 7, while the other 3 continue to beat upon the elves.

With only 7 players going into the second half, the Keen Knives had a tough battle ahead of them, there team re-rolls gone after the first pass, and half a pitch to cover to the touch down line. Alas their luck had truly run out, if it had ever been there in the first place, as several blocks against the dwarves resulted in elfs hitting the ground instead. Another outmatched tussle, and the ball became once again the property of Snow Tacklebeard, who gathered his honor guard around him, while the elves struggled to respond, but were not agile enough to get past the stumpy legs of the dwarf blockers. When the elves began to refuse to stand up, one of the dwarfs, most likely grumpy decided a few well placed kicks would get them to stand, although the result was quiet the opposite.

A second touchdown by Snow, and what was left of the elves formed up for a final play with no chance of reaching the end zone in time. All that was left was to make a play with the ball, and see if they could win back some of there pride. But Gris (Grumpy) McGraw would not let sleeping elves fly, and snatched the ball mid-flight in the elves last play of the night.


A truly one sided match, with lady luck siding with the little guys, not even using a single team re-roll in the second half. While by comparison the Keen Knives failed almost half their dodges, and a quarter of their blocks resulted in turnovers.

Kislev Crushers Narrowly Defeat McMmm!

In what was always going to be a closely contested game, McMurty's Mighty Mooters have gone down to the Kislev Crushers in a very close 2-1 defeat.

Even though Halflings were going down left, right and center, they always looked to be in the contest.

It took over six turns for the Humans to score their first touchdown, and only a touch of bad luck stopped the Mooters scoring the equaliser close to the end of the half, with a rookie Halfling being hurled down the field, with the ball, ending up in a Humie's tackle zone. The lone Halfling only needed to Dodge out, and walk to the end zone. Alas, the tricksy human tripped the stout fellow up (rolling a 2, then a 2, for the Dodge, sending him off the field, KO'ed).

The biggest shock for the 'Flings was the death of their rookie Treeman, who was cruelly hit by the Human's ugly, foul, and disgusting Ogre. Reports have it that it was not the hit which did him in, but the odour of the fell beast, which clogged up the sapling's ability to expel oxygen, forcing him to finally burst open due to internal pressures...

The Humans put on another (lucky, if you ask me) touchdown in the second half, despite some truly aggresive defence from the 'Flings.

The Mooters finally posted a TD late in the second half, when another 'Fling was hurled down the field, stayed on his feet, and ran the extra distance to score.

The replay is available on freeview, through Cabalvision's subsidiary, Blood Bowl League Manager.

Coach Beldenox was heard to say that he was worried through the entire game, ands was afraid for his team on every drive, with the Halfings seeming to be the unstoppable killing machines he had heard they were (citation needed - may not be actual words spoken, thought, or even existing outside of coach Nestyr's head...).

So the Mooters look like the team to beat this season (in more ways than one... - Ed.).

They look forward to the next round, when they face some long dead Khemri thingys. If they're long dead, the Mooters should have no problems running rings around them, right? Right?!? Why is everyone looking at me funny???

Cheers,


Coach Nestyr
(Note, the opinions of coach Nestyr do not represent the opinions of any other member of the FNF blog... - Ed.)

P.S. In all seriousness, Beldenox played his usual fine game. However, if a couple of the dice rolls had gone the other way, it might have been a different story for the 'Flings. If they continue to perform as well as they did in this game, once they get some skills, I think I might even win a couple of games... maybe... Perhaps it was because I forgot to pay tribute to Nuffle before the game... :-)

The Teams of FNF V

The House of Axebreaker is pleased to announce the start of new and exciting line of products for FNF Season V - The Teams of FNF V.

Each week of the season we will be publishing a fabulous poster of one of the teams of this season's competition. We begin with ...The Pestilence Bay Rotters. This magnificent print features the Rotters standing (at their own insistence) in the putrid "waters" along the shoreline of Pestilence Bay itself.

(When we asked who the large fellows were in the background, the Rotters players and management were strangely reluctant to speak. Saying only, in hushed whispers, that they were very, very important backers of the team and huge fans of the game)

Axebreaker

Vipers Off to a Great Start

The Tlaxtlan Vipers won their opening game earlier today - narrowly on the scoreboard, but very convincingly in the casualty count.

The first half was a scappy affair, with both sides struggling to generate any momentum. Late in the half, after several unsuccessful attempts to break open the Rotters' defence, the Vipers lost the ball. Pestigor Tra'mulgor #4 grabbed it and almost got away, but was chased down by a mob of angry Skinks.

The violence of the first half left the Rotters very short of players - with two Injured and two refusing to return from being KO'd. The Kick-Off just made a bad situation worse as the Vipers re-set themselves in a Perfect Defence and a short kick placed the ball right on the Line of Scrimmage. After both sides traded blows around the ball, it was the nibble hands of Acalan #9 that seized the ball and he bolted into End Zone with that uncanny Skink speed.

The restart saw saw more bad luck for the Rotters as Tra'mulgor struggled to pick-up the ball. By the time he got it off the ground the Vipers' defenders were converging fast. Yet even worse awaited the Nurgle squad as series of big hits killed one and badly hurt another Rotter. The Rotters attempts to advance the ball for the equaliser was smothered by a wall of Saurus and the final siren sounded before the ball could be carried much past the half way line.

Thanks to Blair for a good game and better luck for the rest of the season!

Dave

The Lords of Misrule Steal The Win!!!

The Lords of Misrule have managed to snatch victory from the furry hands of the Black Plagues with a last second touchdown that capped off an amazing come from behind win. Lords head coach, Lucius "Thrice Damned" Maddenson said that he couldn't have been prouder of his team and the never say die attitude they displayed the entire match.

The match was held in the newly created Slaughterbowl Stadium in Altdorf to a crowd of 18,000 under perfect weather conditions. The Lords won the toss and elected to receive opening the first half with a brutal running game capped off with the death of #06 of the Plagues, Crash Verminhead, at the hands of #05 of the Lords, Bryn'gor the Vile. Khorne would be denied a skull however with the skaven apothecary selling poor Crash's soul to the dark powers in exchange for a second chance at life. The same drive saw #10 Surly Stripper taken to the sheds after being pushed into the crowd where they took turns beating the sorry Skaven until his ribs were shattered. #02 of the Lords, Mul'gor the Damned finished the drive crossing the line for the first touchdown of the day.

The Lords had dominated the first twenty minutes of the match but the next forty belonged all to the Black Plagues. #01 of the Plagues, Stunty Strongarm, the team's thrower put in a flawless effort passing for two touchdowns to #03 The Pied Piper and in the second half #07 Slash Verminhead. These forty minutes was pure skaven football with blistering runs and passes up the field highlighted by well placed blocks and dodges from the Black Plagues players. During their second touchdown scoring drive the Plagues lost another player #12 Eddie Elfslapper when the Chaos Warrior (#07), Kurgan Bloodroar, picked him up and threw him at Slash Verminhead in frustration as he raced pass Kurgan for a touchdown. Little did Kurgan know but this act of spite would mark the first part of the Lords comeback.

With only twenty minutes left on the clock the Lords received the ball and began a barnstorming run up the left side of the field knocking over anyone unfortunate enough to get in their way including a referee, an overzealous cheerleader doing a cartwheel onto the pitch and most tragic of all, little Timmy Johnson of the Wish upon a Star charity when #01 Tyr'gor Skullflayer crossed into the endzone and spiked the ball through a beaming Timmy who was holding out an autograph book to the celebrating beastman.

Khorne must have enjoyed the appearance of Timmy's skull on his throne for on the Plague's opening play their Stunty Strongarm went to throw the ball for what many commentators agree would have been a guaranteed touchdown only to watch the ball fumble out of his hands in horror and in front of the feet of none other than Kurgan Bloodhowl himself. A beaming Kurgan scooped up the ball as his lead blockers smashed Stunty off his feet while he still stared at Kurgan in shock.

What happened next in the dying seconds of the match will be guaranteed to appear on the highlight reels of the ESP Network this week. Bellowing for #06, Kry'gor Shadowpelt to get upfield, Kurgan drove the ball ahead with some excellent blocking by his supporting players. A desperate Pied Piper chased down Kry'gor Shadowpelt only to be knocked down in a sickening block by Mul'gor the Damned clearing the way for Kurgan to run up and hand off the ball to Kry'gor who ran it in for the winning touchdown as the siren blew.

Coach Maddenson congratulated his #06 for getting both the winning touchdown and being named the MVP of the Lords. He also tipped his hat to the coach of the Plagues who crossed the field and congratulated him on the win. "Well at the end of the day neither team wanted a draw and we were lucky to get the win" stated Maddenson, "Full credit to the Plagues for making us fight tooth and nail until the final whistle, they were a class act and that was how Blood Bowl should be played".

FNF V - Game On!!!

More from the House of Axebreaker

To coincide with the start of the new season (and in another piece of shameless self-promotion), the House of Axebreaker (in conjunction with Axebreaker Studios) is pleased to announce the première of a new movie - one that is sure to interest all true fans of the game.

NOW SHOWING

Season V Blog Update

Thanks to the efforts of Mick and Givo, it looks as though we have FNF Season V almost underway.

In preparation for this most monumental season of bone crushing delight, the FNF Blog has had a few updates.

1. There is now an Archive section which holds the records for seasons past, as well as those much coverted Player Awards.
2. Zens Ladder and the All Matches Details are still there, but are for the Season V teams.
3. The Player List is up to date, though missing a few phone numbers ... don't worry only fellow FNF coaches can veiw these details. 
4. And all but one coach is setup as a contributor for the blog.

New From the House of Axebreaker

The House of Axebreaker is pleased to release the traditional team poster of our latest FNF franchise team.

This magnificent image is a limited edition print and is a must for any fan of the game. It would also make the ideal Mother's Day gift for all those mums who love the game, have an interest in herpetology or are connoisseurs of ritual blood sacrifice architecture.

ORDER TODAY