Post Mortem can reveal that the Harlem Graverotters have finalised an agreement with the Sylvania Stalkers for the transfer of their werewolf prodigy, Max Carnage.
Max has risen through the junior ranks of the Stalkers with bloody aplomb, leaving opponents scarred and parents anxious for their young. But the fact that the werewolf is untested in any major league has not perturbed the Graverotters from securing the potential powerhouse.
“With a name like ‘Max Carnage’, he’s ready for anything that Friday Night Fights can offer,” declared Supercoach. “We just have to come up with the 10,000 gold for his registration with the League before he will be in the infamous Graverotters jersey. And the fans will love him, I promise.”
Love him, indeed. Like most of the population of Harlem, Max has had to supplement his career with a secondary income. He has done it tough, working under the employ of Elizabeth Battery, breeder of the original Battery Hen after whom they are named. Max has tended to the chooks on the intensive farm in Sylvania for the past decade while playing Blood Bowl for the Stalkers.
Farm owner, the mysterious Battery, laments the transfer of her shag pile.
“Times have been tough in the poultry industry,” Battery said. “What, with the recent bird flu epidemic and the loss of 100 layers each and every full moon, we are under financial stress. I have been forced to cull (and drain) staff. The loss has been hard on the local community, but I have enjoyed the blood baths and now have a lovely complexion. I can see that the future holds more for Max than the throw down and bath water I had envisioned.”
Max will be in the Harlem Graverotters run-on squad for their Round VII match against the Cheesy Sea Hawks.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
New Sponsor Signed
The House of Axebreaker is pleased to announce the signing of a new sponsor for their Waldenhof Bloods franchise.
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
(the most surprising thing is how few words had to be changed! I mean seriously, "live forever and ever"!?!? Who buys this stuff?)
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
(the most surprising thing is how few words had to be changed! I mean seriously, "live forever and ever"!?!? Who buys this stuff?)
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thantoldas Gains a Strength
Lyien Lassraielen and Thantoldas Nallelwa sat in brooding silence in the elven club house nursing their scraped and bloodied bodies. Those team members still breathing, and conscious were in a similar state around them.
"I just don't know what happened" said Lyien. "Those Norse were ruthless"
"I just don't know what happened" said Lyien. "Those Norse were ruthless"
Knucklebone gains an agility
Lights burned late and ale flowed freely in the Pub-on-Styx, Harlem. The Public House was a rickety patchwork of an establishment that flowed out of the landscape with distinction, which was no mean feat in a borough of distasteful architecture. Inside, Knucklebone sat hunched over a stein, aimlessly tapping the pewter vessel with a bony hand.
WHEN DOES IT WEAR OFF? he asked in a hollow resonance that morphed over the brimming head of ale. No-one could quite fathom how he consumed the stuff, or any foodstuff for that matter, but in the first instance the stein was full, and in the next it wasn’t.
Ernest was down on all fours beside the hearth, lapping greedily at his own ale. “What?” he asked.
THE POTION.
“Inside two hours, usually after one,” reported the werewolf. “That’s if it works in the first place. Why?”
I BELIEVE I AM STILL AN ELF.
The werewolf looked up, the pupils of his eyes pinpoint and his maw dripping beer and an uncapped well of saliva. “But it’s been two days!” he yelped.
YES.
“And you are still agile, well, more agile than normal?”
IT’S IN MY MARROW.
“Then you are,” Ernest confirmed matter-of-factly before turning back to his bowl.
Knucklebone hesitated. I SUPPOSE I AM, he said. COULDN’T THROW ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE COULD YOU?
The last peat log was consigned to the flames, leaving only the preserved remains of Altdorf’s forefathers in the fuel box, their presence a reminder of the great change that has befallen the Wight.
WHEN DOES IT WEAR OFF? he asked in a hollow resonance that morphed over the brimming head of ale. No-one could quite fathom how he consumed the stuff, or any foodstuff for that matter, but in the first instance the stein was full, and in the next it wasn’t.
Ernest was down on all fours beside the hearth, lapping greedily at his own ale. “What?” he asked.
THE POTION.
“Inside two hours, usually after one,” reported the werewolf. “That’s if it works in the first place. Why?”
I BELIEVE I AM STILL AN ELF.
The werewolf looked up, the pupils of his eyes pinpoint and his maw dripping beer and an uncapped well of saliva. “But it’s been two days!” he yelped.
YES.
“And you are still agile, well, more agile than normal?”
IT’S IN MY MARROW.
“Then you are,” Ernest confirmed matter-of-factly before turning back to his bowl.
Knucklebone hesitated. I SUPPOSE I AM, he said. COULDN’T THROW ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE COULD YOU?
The last peat log was consigned to the flames, leaving only the preserved remains of Altdorf’s forefathers in the fuel box, their presence a reminder of the great change that has befallen the Wight.
Friday, January 28, 2011
FNF Calendar
Dark Elf Edition - I bet you were all looking foward to seeing one of those scantily clad Witch Elves. I know I was. But, unfortunately, despite their team name, the Caludron Keepers don't have any Witch Elves. Now I don't want to start to any rumours regarding the reasons behind excluding females from the team - but several of their players do appear to regularly wear nair polish - which raises all sorts of questions...... :)
Keepers Down Bloods
Greeting Blood Bowl Fans,
The Waldenhof Bloods lost their first game of the season this week: 2-1– at hands of the Dark Elves of the Cauldron Keepers.
Unfortunately, the Replay locked up in Turn 10, so the Highlights Sheet in very incomplete. A real shame as two of the three TDs and all Injuries (not counting a Vampire snack) occurred in the last six turns.
The game started with the Bloods receiving, but it all began badly for them with a Pitch Invasion that floored two Vampires (and a couple of Thralls - but they don’t really count). Constantine von Ungren, however, still managed to make a break up the sidelines with the ball before dodging infield and heading for the End Zone. But his journey was interrupted by Fimthil who knocked him down. Keepers new comer, Lillan, quickly scooped up the loose ball and flung a pass to Ridbaire who scored the opening TD. Poor KO recovery left the Bloods shorthanded at the start of the next drive (in fact the Thralls failed seven out of nine recovery attempts during the game) and they were unable to score before the half ended.
The Keepers began the second half with a clean reception and immediately advanced the ball in a protective cage. But the Vampires’ spooky mind-powers make them particularly adept at Cage Busting – and they easily dispossessed and KO’d the ball carrier. Unfortunately (for the Bloods anyway) - despite the fact that the Dump Off pass failed - the Keepers managed to regather and Ridbaire flicked a Quick Pass to Marnear who scored the Dark Elves' second TD.
The restart saw a Quick Snap by the Bloods and they quickly moved the ball up the right flank. Despite the best efforts of the Dark Elves defenders, they were unable to stop von Ungren bashing his way through to the End Zone for a TD. The crowd intervened once again at the next restart – this time taking down three Dark Elves and none of the Bloods players. The Dark Elf offence faltered under the pressure and not one, but two, passes were thrown wide of the mark – allowing the Vampires a glimmer of hope of snatch a Draw. But it wasn’t to be. Despite managing to pass the ball to the intimidatingly strong Ubour Dachnavar, the Keepers quickly hemmed him in and he failed to Dodge clear as he attempted to score the equaliser in the dying secons of the match.
All in all, a great game. One that really came down to the wire. A big thanks to Jeff for a good, fun game. Next time........
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
The Waldenhof Bloods lost their first game of the season this week: 2-1– at hands of the Dark Elves of the Cauldron Keepers.
Unfortunately, the Replay locked up in Turn 10, so the Highlights Sheet in very incomplete. A real shame as two of the three TDs and all Injuries (not counting a Vampire snack) occurred in the last six turns.
The game started with the Bloods receiving, but it all began badly for them with a Pitch Invasion that floored two Vampires (and a couple of Thralls - but they don’t really count). Constantine von Ungren, however, still managed to make a break up the sidelines with the ball before dodging infield and heading for the End Zone. But his journey was interrupted by Fimthil who knocked him down. Keepers new comer, Lillan, quickly scooped up the loose ball and flung a pass to Ridbaire who scored the opening TD. Poor KO recovery left the Bloods shorthanded at the start of the next drive (in fact the Thralls failed seven out of nine recovery attempts during the game) and they were unable to score before the half ended.
The Keepers began the second half with a clean reception and immediately advanced the ball in a protective cage. But the Vampires’ spooky mind-powers make them particularly adept at Cage Busting – and they easily dispossessed and KO’d the ball carrier. Unfortunately (for the Bloods anyway) - despite the fact that the Dump Off pass failed - the Keepers managed to regather and Ridbaire flicked a Quick Pass to Marnear who scored the Dark Elves' second TD.
The restart saw a Quick Snap by the Bloods and they quickly moved the ball up the right flank. Despite the best efforts of the Dark Elves defenders, they were unable to stop von Ungren bashing his way through to the End Zone for a TD. The crowd intervened once again at the next restart – this time taking down three Dark Elves and none of the Bloods players. The Dark Elf offence faltered under the pressure and not one, but two, passes were thrown wide of the mark – allowing the Vampires a glimmer of hope of snatch a Draw. But it wasn’t to be. Despite managing to pass the ball to the intimidatingly strong Ubour Dachnavar, the Keepers quickly hemmed him in and he failed to Dodge clear as he attempted to score the equaliser in the dying secons of the match.
All in all, a great game. One that really came down to the wire. A big thanks to Jeff for a good, fun game. Next time........
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
Monday, January 24, 2011
FNF Calendar
Just because I didn't personally play my game doesn't mean the House of Axebreaker graphics department wasn't on hand to create our latest Calendar Page!
Snowmen take frustration out on Twicksters
This match featured the Frosty Snowmen after having a punishing last game, which saw them 4 players down for this match against Twicksters Pro Elf team of 12.
The match started ominously for the Elves kicking off the waiting Norse team who had recruited a host of journeymen eager to prove themselves, and where fuming to get some payback after loosing team mates in the last.
The match started ominously for the Elves kicking off the waiting Norse team who had recruited a host of journeymen eager to prove themselves, and where fuming to get some payback after loosing team mates in the last.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Operation Dancing Hippy
Ok Blood Bowl Fans
Yet again the Doctors have suffered a defeat! Thats right I understand all the WTF???'s out there! The doctors after thier last performance seemed to finally understand the concept of the game and look to a victory.
The Dancing Vegetarians, Completely dominated the first half with dazzling displays of dodging and blitzing, Intercepts and catches! In what can only be described as tipical of the damnable elven race, They were 2 zip up in the first half.
However The newest intern to the Last Seasons Apocatharies, in a marvelous display of good sportsmanship and honourable virtue, saw the goblin ref going to run into an elven player and kindly assisted him out of the way!
(Video footage is unclear as to whether Jacks Fist was closed or not ) claiming that he forgot his own strength, Sent the Goblin sprawling so badly hurt that he needed replacing! His replacement was naturally so intimidated by Jack's presence
(not the least his reputation for the finer delicacies like deep fried Gobbo!) refused to look when Jack took a scalpel( again video footage inconclusive as to the presence of Illegal weapons or Medical misconduct the silver flash was from a photographer in the crowd on the other side of the stadium.) to The Scratching Post.
The Half ended with no further ado.
Second half saw the Doctors return to the field ( The referee oblivious to the woodsmans axe protruding from Jacks jersey.) to receive the ball.
In an exemplary show of blocking Skills The Doctors levelled the Scratching post and the rest of the scrimmage and proceeded to secure the ball.
Whilst a long way out from the inzone The elves looked certain to regather. An impressive blitz from Nurse Sally saw Sparkles stunned from the left hook and Jack took that particular moment whilst all eyes were seeing Sparkles, to take the Axe to the Scratching Post!
The Treeman went down, in a splash of sap and woodchips and the apocethary was called out amongst calls from the crowd in the stadium of "Save the Tree!", and some elves impeeding Medical expertice as they tried to chain themselves to the tree! (Whilst The scratching Post was later heard to be complaining that the Doctors cheated by sneaking a bulldozer onto the pitch we all know his name is Jack not Dozer and has no lineage at all linking him to Caterpillar!) Claims that a parcel exchanged hands between the Apocethary and Doctor Bob were way out of line when the Apocethary declared that The scratching post had lost his nerve and would take no further part in the game. (Those seeking the correct medical term it is Extreme Cowardice aka a pinched nerve!)(last seen leaving the stadium and going bush!!)
With the tree fallen, The Doctors wernt out of the woods yet! As they pushed hard down field, Sally and the doctors slowly massaging the tenderloins... I mean bruising the wood elves enough that several left the field. Jack a bit confused as to why the patients were running away from him got a bit hot headed and attempted to restrain Twinkle the stand out star of the Dancing chicken legs! Whilst gently lowering him to the ground,Jack accidently stood on Twinkles neck killing him outright. ( Claims that it was a cold blooded malicious act of spite, whilst well founded were well short of fact as everyone knows that elf blood is warm and juicy!)
Nurse Sally crossed for her second Touch down this season.
With the Elves reduced to 6 or so on the field Gemima accepted the ball and charged downfield alas The remaining Elves managed to show some nerve cutting her off from what whilst not a game leveller or winner was sure to be a Touch Down.
Thanks for the great game Luke!
Yet again the Doctors have suffered a defeat! Thats right I understand all the WTF???'s out there! The doctors after thier last performance seemed to finally understand the concept of the game and look to a victory.
The Dancing Vegetarians, Completely dominated the first half with dazzling displays of dodging and blitzing, Intercepts and catches! In what can only be described as tipical of the damnable elven race, They were 2 zip up in the first half.
However The newest intern to the Last Seasons Apocatharies, in a marvelous display of good sportsmanship and honourable virtue, saw the goblin ref going to run into an elven player and kindly assisted him out of the way!
(Video footage is unclear as to whether Jacks Fist was closed or not ) claiming that he forgot his own strength, Sent the Goblin sprawling so badly hurt that he needed replacing! His replacement was naturally so intimidated by Jack's presence
(not the least his reputation for the finer delicacies like deep fried Gobbo!) refused to look when Jack took a scalpel( again video footage inconclusive as to the presence of Illegal weapons or Medical misconduct the silver flash was from a photographer in the crowd on the other side of the stadium.) to The Scratching Post.
The Half ended with no further ado.
Second half saw the Doctors return to the field ( The referee oblivious to the woodsmans axe protruding from Jacks jersey.) to receive the ball.
In an exemplary show of blocking Skills The Doctors levelled the Scratching post and the rest of the scrimmage and proceeded to secure the ball.
Whilst a long way out from the inzone The elves looked certain to regather. An impressive blitz from Nurse Sally saw Sparkles stunned from the left hook and Jack took that particular moment whilst all eyes were seeing Sparkles, to take the Axe to the Scratching Post!
The Treeman went down, in a splash of sap and woodchips and the apocethary was called out amongst calls from the crowd in the stadium of "Save the Tree!", and some elves impeeding Medical expertice as they tried to chain themselves to the tree! (Whilst The scratching Post was later heard to be complaining that the Doctors cheated by sneaking a bulldozer onto the pitch we all know his name is Jack not Dozer and has no lineage at all linking him to Caterpillar!) Claims that a parcel exchanged hands between the Apocethary and Doctor Bob were way out of line when the Apocethary declared that The scratching post had lost his nerve and would take no further part in the game. (Those seeking the correct medical term it is Extreme Cowardice aka a pinched nerve!)(last seen leaving the stadium and going bush!!)
With the tree fallen, The Doctors wernt out of the woods yet! As they pushed hard down field, Sally and the doctors slowly massaging the tenderloins... I mean bruising the wood elves enough that several left the field. Jack a bit confused as to why the patients were running away from him got a bit hot headed and attempted to restrain Twinkle the stand out star of the Dancing chicken legs! Whilst gently lowering him to the ground,Jack accidently stood on Twinkles neck killing him outright. ( Claims that it was a cold blooded malicious act of spite, whilst well founded were well short of fact as everyone knows that elf blood is warm and juicy!)
Nurse Sally crossed for her second Touch down this season.
With the Elves reduced to 6 or so on the field Gemima accepted the ball and charged downfield alas The remaining Elves managed to show some nerve cutting her off from what whilst not a game leveller or winner was sure to be a Touch Down.
Thanks for the great game Luke!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Docs get another draw!
In what can only be described as a remarkable result given the conditions, The Last Seasons Apocatharies have finally got the gist of blocking and knocking out opponents without the use of an anasthetic( According to Medical Liabilty Insurance PTY LTD.. Chloroform on a set of knuckle dusters isnt a breach of the malpractice laws if administered by a physician).
A 2-2 draw with the Orcs!
The game started of insweltering heat and the kick off saw the ball kicked to the front left hand corner where a bunch of the nurses where waiting on the off chance they got a call for a blitz.
Well a Blitz is what they recieved when the Golden Shower kid swooped in picked up the ball and handed it to Shagger. The St4 Blitzer smacked Sally in the chops and set off down the field.
An attempt to stop him by Gemima and Betty saw a pair of both downs rerolled into a pushback and a skull. Shagger sailed over the line, pushing it with consumate ease leaving the Doctors Jeykkl and Phil in the dugout refusing to take the feild as there were no nurses available to mop thier brows before the next drive and Sally complaining that she wanted to see a dentist before she returned to the field.
With half a line of Scrimmage left The nurses muscled up. A purely legal prescription from a Doctor P. Smith for a bad case of reumatism was shared between Mavis and Sally before the game saw them turning cartwheels and juggling like elves. This was quite apparent when after the riot ( unknown who started it or who the person in a surgical mask that was last seen at the scoreboard turning it back a turn was) ran over scooped up the ball and handed it to Doctor Bob.
With the ball in hand He let out a whoop and with the aid of Skrogors??? a part time nurses assistant that had come along for the day succeeded in pushing Gaz the Black Orc over and ran off down the field.
Doctor Moreau was so excited he threw both fists in the air letting out a whoop! Unfortunately for fred the Orc Linesman Moreau had forgotton to let go of his throat and was killed by asphyxiation. THe death was confirmed by the Orc Apocethary who at first claimed him to be badly Hurt?( Ben please provide me a mailing address so I can forward the Players Registration paperwork for later in the season...
The nurses, despite the heat , maybe it was the short skirts that allowed them to run more freely dodged out of tackle zones and managed a half cage screen to protect Bob as like a true Pyscho I mean Physio agily proceeded down the feild pushing it once.
As the scores where level out came some cloud and the temperature off the field cooled a little.
On the feild however was a different story as blocks were thrown that looked more like a slap fest as there was more jostling and pushing and shoving than any real attempts to injure. Nuffle was having a feild day with both teams as blocks failed and yet rediculous passes ( Golden Shower Kid dodging outof one tacklezone stepping into another, picking up the ball and sailing of a pass to Bob) one of 4 passes by the stinking Elf... I mean Orc!
Turnovers were frequent as blocks failed . Gemima cutting off what was sure to be the winning pass, Intercepted it and headed off only to fall face first stunned that she had caught it in the first place! ( Video footage showed later a late elbow thrown from Beat n Eat Charlie caught her on the jaw)
What should have been a 2-1 lead into half time was a draw. The second half had the Doctors recieving with a pair of nurses that where last seen at half time in the ladies change rooms with a white powder "just going to powder our noses was the claim from Sally'and Mavis, Who came out buzzing!.
With the ball kicked short Mavis swooped on it like a seagull on a chip Moreau socked spud the lineman with what he claimed was his fist ( looked awfully like a sock full of rocks!) laying him out cold) the nurses ran to the doctors aid and assisted in standing between Sally and the pack of Rapists.
Boris The Elf Rimmer opened up for the first time all game ( nothing to do with the Goblin corpses missing from the crematorium)( no evidence found linking Dr Phils Brother who apparently fell asleep on duty when the corpses went missing) and knocked out Dr Phil allowing Shagger a free run at Sally and didnt he love that bearing her to ground in a show of such savagery that left her lying there for a couple of turns! The Golden Shower kid again scoops up the ball and like an Elven War thingy on steroids , steps around the waiting Doctors and hands of to Charlie. Charlie runs up the feild then proceeds to toss the ball to Krug the Bum Slammer (whom I am sure Sally was glad was at the other end of the field at the time) Krug scores and the game is 2-1
Again the Orcs kick off with Mavis running around like a chicken with out a head grabbing the ball ( ok exageration failed - reroll required ) and setting off up the feild again.
This time Spud was watching for the sock and agilly stepped back as Moreau again attempted to clear a path.
Dr Phil decided to have ago headbutting Gaz which took them both to ground. A failed dodge by the Golden Shower kid to apply pressure ( sure that was all you were gonna do ya dirty little $#%!! ) Gave Sally the opportunity she needed dodging away from bronson, she headed up feild and caught( thats right folks! you read it here first ) caught a pass from Mavis the entire team rushed to pat Sally on the back hampering any attempts from the rapists to get close. In what can only be described as pure insanity Sally rushed to the line pushing one -fail reroll succeed stop there one square away.
b No rerolls left for either team 2 turns left on the clock Shagger runs in and has another go at Sally. A skull and a push back no reroll Sally scores the game is Drawn!
The kickoff saw a series of blocks and attempts to hurt each other! In fact apart from Gemima who was badly hurt attempting to get away from a black Orc Tackle zone and provide support to Sally later in the second half the worst injuries either team could get was a couple of knock outs.
The Doctors post game break down was a semi joyfull affair when Jack Da Ripper swaggered in to the changerooms signing a players contract for the rest of the season!
Sally in an effort to impress Jack showed how much weights she could press gaining a Strength whilst Mavis was showing off her legs dancing around the changeroom like an elf! +1 Agility.
It all went weird from that point as a Runtime error occured dropping the power. When it was back on Dr Bob, who had gained access to a lot of skill choices leaving him with Diving Catch which is what he was looking at prior to the lights go out!
Not what I wanted but it will have to do. I am still short the 30k I was supposed to receive from the first game but at least I have a full line up again!
Zelithian
A 2-2 draw with the Orcs!
The game started of insweltering heat and the kick off saw the ball kicked to the front left hand corner where a bunch of the nurses where waiting on the off chance they got a call for a blitz.
Well a Blitz is what they recieved when the Golden Shower kid swooped in picked up the ball and handed it to Shagger. The St4 Blitzer smacked Sally in the chops and set off down the field.
An attempt to stop him by Gemima and Betty saw a pair of both downs rerolled into a pushback and a skull. Shagger sailed over the line, pushing it with consumate ease leaving the Doctors Jeykkl and Phil in the dugout refusing to take the feild as there were no nurses available to mop thier brows before the next drive and Sally complaining that she wanted to see a dentist before she returned to the field.
With half a line of Scrimmage left The nurses muscled up. A purely legal prescription from a Doctor P. Smith for a bad case of reumatism was shared between Mavis and Sally before the game saw them turning cartwheels and juggling like elves. This was quite apparent when after the riot ( unknown who started it or who the person in a surgical mask that was last seen at the scoreboard turning it back a turn was) ran over scooped up the ball and handed it to Doctor Bob.
With the ball in hand He let out a whoop and with the aid of Skrogors??? a part time nurses assistant that had come along for the day succeeded in pushing Gaz the Black Orc over and ran off down the field.
Doctor Moreau was so excited he threw both fists in the air letting out a whoop! Unfortunately for fred the Orc Linesman Moreau had forgotton to let go of his throat and was killed by asphyxiation. THe death was confirmed by the Orc Apocethary who at first claimed him to be badly Hurt?( Ben please provide me a mailing address so I can forward the Players Registration paperwork for later in the season...
The nurses, despite the heat , maybe it was the short skirts that allowed them to run more freely dodged out of tackle zones and managed a half cage screen to protect Bob as like a true Pyscho I mean Physio agily proceeded down the feild pushing it once.
As the scores where level out came some cloud and the temperature off the field cooled a little.
On the feild however was a different story as blocks were thrown that looked more like a slap fest as there was more jostling and pushing and shoving than any real attempts to injure. Nuffle was having a feild day with both teams as blocks failed and yet rediculous passes ( Golden Shower Kid dodging outof one tacklezone stepping into another, picking up the ball and sailing of a pass to Bob) one of 4 passes by the stinking Elf... I mean Orc!
Turnovers were frequent as blocks failed . Gemima cutting off what was sure to be the winning pass, Intercepted it and headed off only to fall face first stunned that she had caught it in the first place! ( Video footage showed later a late elbow thrown from Beat n Eat Charlie caught her on the jaw)
What should have been a 2-1 lead into half time was a draw. The second half had the Doctors recieving with a pair of nurses that where last seen at half time in the ladies change rooms with a white powder "just going to powder our noses was the claim from Sally'and Mavis, Who came out buzzing!.
With the ball kicked short Mavis swooped on it like a seagull on a chip Moreau socked spud the lineman with what he claimed was his fist ( looked awfully like a sock full of rocks!) laying him out cold) the nurses ran to the doctors aid and assisted in standing between Sally and the pack of Rapists.
Boris The Elf Rimmer opened up for the first time all game ( nothing to do with the Goblin corpses missing from the crematorium)( no evidence found linking Dr Phils Brother who apparently fell asleep on duty when the corpses went missing) and knocked out Dr Phil allowing Shagger a free run at Sally and didnt he love that bearing her to ground in a show of such savagery that left her lying there for a couple of turns! The Golden Shower kid again scoops up the ball and like an Elven War thingy on steroids , steps around the waiting Doctors and hands of to Charlie. Charlie runs up the feild then proceeds to toss the ball to Krug the Bum Slammer (whom I am sure Sally was glad was at the other end of the field at the time) Krug scores and the game is 2-1
Again the Orcs kick off with Mavis running around like a chicken with out a head grabbing the ball ( ok exageration failed - reroll required ) and setting off up the feild again.
This time Spud was watching for the sock and agilly stepped back as Moreau again attempted to clear a path.
Dr Phil decided to have ago headbutting Gaz which took them both to ground. A failed dodge by the Golden Shower kid to apply pressure ( sure that was all you were gonna do ya dirty little $#%!! ) Gave Sally the opportunity she needed dodging away from bronson, she headed up feild and caught( thats right folks! you read it here first ) caught a pass from Mavis the entire team rushed to pat Sally on the back hampering any attempts from the rapists to get close. In what can only be described as pure insanity Sally rushed to the line pushing one -fail reroll succeed stop there one square away.
b No rerolls left for either team 2 turns left on the clock Shagger runs in and has another go at Sally. A skull and a push back no reroll Sally scores the game is Drawn!
The kickoff saw a series of blocks and attempts to hurt each other! In fact apart from Gemima who was badly hurt attempting to get away from a black Orc Tackle zone and provide support to Sally later in the second half the worst injuries either team could get was a couple of knock outs.
The Doctors post game break down was a semi joyfull affair when Jack Da Ripper swaggered in to the changerooms signing a players contract for the rest of the season!
Sally in an effort to impress Jack showed how much weights she could press gaining a Strength whilst Mavis was showing off her legs dancing around the changeroom like an elf! +1 Agility.
It all went weird from that point as a Runtime error occured dropping the power. When it was back on Dr Bob, who had gained access to a lot of skill choices leaving him with Diving Catch which is what he was looking at prior to the lights go out!
Not what I wanted but it will have to do. I am still short the 30k I was supposed to receive from the first game but at least I have a full line up again!
Zelithian
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Its Over -Dancing Hippies Kill the Dream
Well don't we all hate smart arse elves. dancing and spinning like dodge is a birthright. Well the shuffling undead certainly do. In an awesome display of rolling the Dancing Hippies have crushed the Kreepy Krawlies and ended their dream start. Despite a double 1 in the first turn the Hippies played a perfect match and never let the Krawlies come to grips with them. Great tactics, unbelievable luck (43 dodges in a row at least) and a huge dose of luck( ok thats to make me feel better) had the hippies in another class. All KK the KK coach would say is that investing in some tackle skills is in order.
Well done Luke you smashed me.
Well done Luke you smashed me.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
More from the FNF Calendar
Due to overwhelming demand, the House of Axebreaker is pleased to release two more images from our popular Blood Bowl Calendar.
The above images feature players that went up against our very own Waldenhof Bloods in Rounds 1 and 2. In the future, at the end of each round of Season IV, we anticipate releasing one of our breathtaking calendar pages of a player from our Vampire team's most recent opponent.
The above images feature players that went up against our very own Waldenhof Bloods in Rounds 1 and 2. In the future, at the end of each round of Season IV, we anticipate releasing one of our breathtaking calendar pages of a player from our Vampire team's most recent opponent.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Blood Bowl Calender
The House of Axebreaker is pleased to announce the release of our new 2011 FNF Calendar.
And what better way to introduce this great offer than to present the stunning image that we have selected for the month of January.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Greetings Fans of Blood Bowl,
The Waldenhof Bloods and the Luscious Lords of Lustria fought it out for a 1-1 draw in a replay of their Round 3 match-up.
A “replay”? Yes, in turn 13 of the first match, with the Luscious Lords up 1-0, the Vampires special rules completely over loaded the officials overseeing the game – failed Blood Lust and a failed Dodge occurring simultaneously with Time Out – and the referee, score board officials and time keeper all had a collective heart attack and died. In the chaos of the ensuring aftermath ZENTHAALX graciously agreed to a replay. The second game began almost immediately (but, unfortunately, not aboard the pretty ship that hosted the first match).
The Luscious Lords elected to receive and were immediately subjected to some fierce Blocking from the very outset. The Luscious Lords Blitzer, Golden silver Dawn, received the first, and most severe of the injuries, in the opening minutes. She was followed off the pitch by three more Amazons in first half. For the Bloods, two Thralls were also carried off the field badly hurt – one the victim of Lugat Nachtzehrer’s uncontrolled Blood Lust. Meanwhile, the Luscious Lords attempted to move the ball down the right flank, but the Bloods defence quickly sealed up that zone of the field. The Amazon’s then reversed direction with a Quick Pass — but the Vampires were all over the ball carrier and her escorts — and the ball was soon knocked loose and regathered by the Bloods. The subsequent attempt to Pass the ball up field, however, was fumbled and Sublime clouds of Horizon regathered. The Bloods then made a critical error as Constantine von Ungren’s Blitz succeeded only in pushing her closer to the End Zone and (just) within scoring distance. With a desperate lunge Ms Horizon then carried the ball over the line for a TD in the closing seconds of the half.
The first half injuries left the Luscious Lords seriously under-(wo)manned in the second half. Nevertheless, the plucky girls managed to frustrate the Bloods first scoring attempt, knocking the ball loose just short of the End Zone. But numbers eventually told, especially as Crystal pools of Perfection was carried from the field after failing a Dodge and Mystic mirror Embrace was knocked out-of-bounds. Lugat Nachtzehrer then tossed a quick Pass to Aufhocker Vasher who scored the equalizer. In the final minutes of the game, the Amazons protected the ball and focused their Blocks on the Thralls – Ms Embrace was granted the immense satisfaction of killing Anton, the Bloods newest recruit.
So, all in all, an interesting night of Blood Bowl of 1 and ¾ games. A big thanks to ZEN for his patience and tolerance regarding the replay. Thanks for the game.
As usual the highlights sheet is included above. For those with a keen eye, you might have notice the images are sharper than the last couple. I finally twigged that the Texture setting was on low – so now the pictures are back to the clarity of last season.
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
The Waldenhof Bloods and the Luscious Lords of Lustria fought it out for a 1-1 draw in a replay of their Round 3 match-up.
A “replay”? Yes, in turn 13 of the first match, with the Luscious Lords up 1-0, the Vampires special rules completely over loaded the officials overseeing the game – failed Blood Lust and a failed Dodge occurring simultaneously with Time Out – and the referee, score board officials and time keeper all had a collective heart attack and died. In the chaos of the ensuring aftermath ZENTHAALX graciously agreed to a replay. The second game began almost immediately (but, unfortunately, not aboard the pretty ship that hosted the first match).
The Luscious Lords elected to receive and were immediately subjected to some fierce Blocking from the very outset. The Luscious Lords Blitzer, Golden silver Dawn, received the first, and most severe of the injuries, in the opening minutes. She was followed off the pitch by three more Amazons in first half. For the Bloods, two Thralls were also carried off the field badly hurt – one the victim of Lugat Nachtzehrer’s uncontrolled Blood Lust. Meanwhile, the Luscious Lords attempted to move the ball down the right flank, but the Bloods defence quickly sealed up that zone of the field. The Amazon’s then reversed direction with a Quick Pass — but the Vampires were all over the ball carrier and her escorts — and the ball was soon knocked loose and regathered by the Bloods. The subsequent attempt to Pass the ball up field, however, was fumbled and Sublime clouds of Horizon regathered. The Bloods then made a critical error as Constantine von Ungren’s Blitz succeeded only in pushing her closer to the End Zone and (just) within scoring distance. With a desperate lunge Ms Horizon then carried the ball over the line for a TD in the closing seconds of the half.
The first half injuries left the Luscious Lords seriously under-(wo)manned in the second half. Nevertheless, the plucky girls managed to frustrate the Bloods first scoring attempt, knocking the ball loose just short of the End Zone. But numbers eventually told, especially as Crystal pools of Perfection was carried from the field after failing a Dodge and Mystic mirror Embrace was knocked out-of-bounds. Lugat Nachtzehrer then tossed a quick Pass to Aufhocker Vasher who scored the equalizer. In the final minutes of the game, the Amazons protected the ball and focused their Blocks on the Thralls – Ms Embrace was granted the immense satisfaction of killing Anton, the Bloods newest recruit.
So, all in all, an interesting night of Blood Bowl of 1 and ¾ games. A big thanks to ZEN for his patience and tolerance regarding the replay. Thanks for the game.
As usual the highlights sheet is included above. For those with a keen eye, you might have notice the images are sharper than the last couple. I finally twigged that the Texture setting was on low – so now the pictures are back to the clarity of last season.
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
The Doctor's First Draw!!!!
That's right folks!
Bob is just stunned!
The Apothecary's stole the victory away from the undead in the last turn of the game!
In what was literally a punch up for the entire first half, The Necroped's moved the ball all the way and it wasn't until their turn 8 before they finally regathered the ball and scored!!
Go the Nurses who successfully managed to Blitz the Ghouls and the Wights over and over to disrupt what was a beautiful day for a Bloodbowl game!
As the ghouls went down the clouds rolled in and sure enough as soon as the Necropeds finally scored, the Heaven's opened up and down came the pouring rain.
As if picking up the damn ball wasn't hard enough!!!!
All was looking grim for the Apothecary's as the dugout filled with water at half time and they contemplated how to pick up the ball and get to the in-zone.
A wayward kickoff however was the best possible result as the ball sailed out and was handed to a Nurse as a result of a touch back!
Well the punch up began again in Ernest and the Apothecaries managed to get the ball into the Necropeds half.
A successful blitz saw the ball scattered and with only 3 turns left on the clock, it took the last re roll to regather the ball and get to 2 sq from the in zone.
Another succesful Blitz knocked it out and all looked lost. In the last turn a Nurse jumped up, dodged out of a tackle zone from a Mummy and Blitzed a Wight back. The doctor chipped in and knocked down the other Wight leaving a nurse to get up pick up the ball and push it into the in zone!
Whilst not a win it was the next best thing!
Still no skills, not even a Sure Hands amongst them but we persevere!
Zelithian
Damo
Bob is just stunned!
The Apothecary's stole the victory away from the undead in the last turn of the game!
In what was literally a punch up for the entire first half, The Necroped's moved the ball all the way and it wasn't until their turn 8 before they finally regathered the ball and scored!!
Go the Nurses who successfully managed to Blitz the Ghouls and the Wights over and over to disrupt what was a beautiful day for a Bloodbowl game!
As the ghouls went down the clouds rolled in and sure enough as soon as the Necropeds finally scored, the Heaven's opened up and down came the pouring rain.
As if picking up the damn ball wasn't hard enough!!!!
All was looking grim for the Apothecary's as the dugout filled with water at half time and they contemplated how to pick up the ball and get to the in-zone.
A wayward kickoff however was the best possible result as the ball sailed out and was handed to a Nurse as a result of a touch back!
Well the punch up began again in Ernest and the Apothecaries managed to get the ball into the Necropeds half.
A successful blitz saw the ball scattered and with only 3 turns left on the clock, it took the last re roll to regather the ball and get to 2 sq from the in zone.
Another succesful Blitz knocked it out and all looked lost. In the last turn a Nurse jumped up, dodged out of a tackle zone from a Mummy and Blitzed a Wight back. The doctor chipped in and knocked down the other Wight leaving a nurse to get up pick up the ball and push it into the in zone!
Whilst not a win it was the next best thing!
Still no skills, not even a Sure Hands amongst them but we persevere!
Zelithian
Damo
Cauldron Keepers Win First Game for the Season
The Cauldron Keepers have recorded their first win this season, against Drakeular's Toxic Turncoats.
Nice weather prevailed throughout the game, which became somewhat of a bash affair, with the Beast of Nurgle being Badly Hurt, and one poor Rotter going to his grave.
It didn't go all the way of the Dark Elves, though, with double skulls showing up at inopportune moments, and failing 2+ Dodges at crucial moments.
I'm well please with the result, especially as this is one of my few wins against Drakeular over several years of opposition.
Hopefully this is the start of a streak of wins for the Keepers, which will continue through when Drakeular takes over the team in my absence of several weeks.
Cheers,
Nestyr
Nice weather prevailed throughout the game, which became somewhat of a bash affair, with the Beast of Nurgle being Badly Hurt, and one poor Rotter going to his grave.
It didn't go all the way of the Dark Elves, though, with double skulls showing up at inopportune moments, and failing 2+ Dodges at crucial moments.
I'm well please with the result, especially as this is one of my few wins against Drakeular over several years of opposition.
Hopefully this is the start of a streak of wins for the Keepers, which will continue through when Drakeular takes over the team in my absence of several weeks.
Cheers,
Nestyr
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Waldenhof Bloods - Two for Two
Greetings Blood Bowl Fans,
Although our esteemed Commissioner apparently wasn’t too impressed - the Waldenhof Bloods, nevertheless, won their second game – defeating Last Seasons Apothecaries 1-0 in a very close game.
Very Sunny conditions prevailed for entire match – and both teams lost several players to heat stroke throughout the game.
The Bloods elected to receive and quickly moved the ball up the left flank – but from the very start the Vampires began chowing down on the Thralls – sending one off KO’ed and Stunning another in first turn. The Vampires’ attempts to get the ball into the End Zone were frustrated by Blood Lust, poor handling and Nurse Mary – whose blocks twice brought down Vampire ball carriers just short of the line. But Aufhocker Vasher finally managed to overcome his urge to eat a Thrall and get the ball into the End Zone very late in the second half.
The Second Half began with a Chaos Warrior, a Beastman, a Vampire and a Thrall overcome with heat exhaustion– leaving both teams short-handed on the pitch. The Vampires launched a Blitz that did little except see a hungry Vampire over-indulge himself and Badly Hurt a Thrall. The Apothecaries grabbed the ball and quickly handed it off to a Chaos Warrior. But he was knocked down and the Vampires regathered it – flinging a pass across field and moving the ball up the right flank. A wild melée soon developed as both teams knocked each other’s ball carriers down and scrambled for the ball. Lugat Nachzehrer finally grabbed it and dashed into the End Zone – only to push himself too far and fall – spilling the ball over the Dead Ball Line. Nurse Gemima regathered the loose ball after the crowd returned it to the field and threw a spectacular Long Pass that found Nurse Mavis on the half way line. The Apothecaries took off towards the End Zone – dogged by Thralls all the way. Just yards short of the line, Nurse Mavis threw a Blitz that just needed to Push the last Thrall away to score – but instead both she and the plucky Bloods defender crashed to the ground. Both teams’ attempts to regather the ball failed and time expired – giving the Bloods a very lucky win in a hard fought match.
Thanks to Damo for a great game- that final last Blitz resulting in a Skull-Both Down dice roll robbed him of a draw. But the Chaos boys won the biff contest with a casualty and two KOs (although the Vampires matched that effort in self inflicted damage to their Thrall minions)
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
Although our esteemed Commissioner apparently wasn’t too impressed - the Waldenhof Bloods, nevertheless, won their second game – defeating Last Seasons Apothecaries 1-0 in a very close game.
Very Sunny conditions prevailed for entire match – and both teams lost several players to heat stroke throughout the game.
The Bloods elected to receive and quickly moved the ball up the left flank – but from the very start the Vampires began chowing down on the Thralls – sending one off KO’ed and Stunning another in first turn. The Vampires’ attempts to get the ball into the End Zone were frustrated by Blood Lust, poor handling and Nurse Mary – whose blocks twice brought down Vampire ball carriers just short of the line. But Aufhocker Vasher finally managed to overcome his urge to eat a Thrall and get the ball into the End Zone very late in the second half.
The Second Half began with a Chaos Warrior, a Beastman, a Vampire and a Thrall overcome with heat exhaustion– leaving both teams short-handed on the pitch. The Vampires launched a Blitz that did little except see a hungry Vampire over-indulge himself and Badly Hurt a Thrall. The Apothecaries grabbed the ball and quickly handed it off to a Chaos Warrior. But he was knocked down and the Vampires regathered it – flinging a pass across field and moving the ball up the right flank. A wild melée soon developed as both teams knocked each other’s ball carriers down and scrambled for the ball. Lugat Nachzehrer finally grabbed it and dashed into the End Zone – only to push himself too far and fall – spilling the ball over the Dead Ball Line. Nurse Gemima regathered the loose ball after the crowd returned it to the field and threw a spectacular Long Pass that found Nurse Mavis on the half way line. The Apothecaries took off towards the End Zone – dogged by Thralls all the way. Just yards short of the line, Nurse Mavis threw a Blitz that just needed to Push the last Thrall away to score – but instead both she and the plucky Bloods defender crashed to the ground. Both teams’ attempts to regather the ball failed and time expired – giving the Bloods a very lucky win in a hard fought match.
Thanks to Damo for a great game- that final last Blitz resulting in a Skull-Both Down dice roll robbed him of a draw. But the Chaos boys won the biff contest with a casualty and two KOs (although the Vampires matched that effort in self inflicted damage to their Thrall minions)
Dave
(aka Axebreaker)
Monday, January 3, 2011
Match Report - Twicksters vs Necropeds
The crowd was promised a spectacle of blood splattered elves face down on the pitch while their companions ran circles around the slow shambling undead. Boy was the crowd disappointed. The undead displayed the speed and agility normally only seen in elf teams. Perhaps they were elves in a former... ahh, death? Whilst the Elves showed a knack for smashing the ball carrier down only a regular occasion.
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