House of Axebreaker: Making Dreams Come True!

Alyssa Milano to play for Waldenhof Bloods While the seaon may be over for the Waldenhof Bloods, there is still one game to go. The deaths and injuries suffered in the last game, however, left several vacanciesin the Thrall squad. Alyssa Milano has jumped at the chance to fulfil a long held dream to play a game for her favourite Blood Bowl team. At the recent funeral for the team's deceased Thralls, Nicolae and Grigoré, she was presented with her very own Bloods Thrall uniform in which she will take the field next week proudly wearing No 8.

FNF Calendar

High Elf (part 2) Edition

Bloods Smashed

The Phoenix Flyers demonstrated last night why they are one of the season’s top teams and why the Waldenhof Bloods aren’t–with the High Elves defeating the hapless Vampire outfit 3-1.

In a rare turnaround, it was the Bloods that had plenty of Inducement money to splash about this week–receiving just over 300,000gp. The Bloods spent their money on a Bribe, a couple of Bloodweiser Babes and dressing up a Thrall to pose as a Flyers assistant coach to instill some Bad Habits into the High Elf squad. Hindsight, however, reveals all three were poor choices. The referee found it pretty easy to ignore the Bloods numerous ineffective Fouls (none of which did more than Stun the recipient), only one Bloods player needed to recover from KO (and did so without any assistance) and the coaching rouse was more than compensated by the boosts given to the Flyers by their cheering supporters and own coaching squad.

The High Elves received the opening Kick-Off and their otherwise near-flawless game got off to bad start when Orren Strongarm failed to pick up the ball. The Flyers soon recovered and the ball was flung to Aldaren Touchdown who darted into the safety of a cage of High Elf players. In a sign of things to come, the Vampires attempts to crack the Flyers defensive screen using their mesmerising gazes failed (with a re-roll) and Aldaren Blitzed his through the defence for the opening TD.

You don’t have to be a centuries-old Creature of the Night to realise that Aldaren Touchdown is the lynchpin of the Flyers side. During the remainder of the game, the Vampires Blocked and Fouled him at every opportunity. But the worst knock he received was a KO when his own Blitz went wrong early in the second half and he left the field for couple turns. Meanwhile, the Vampires drive up the right flank was stopped when the ball was stripped from the hands of Ubour Dachnavar and regathered by the Flyers. It was quickly passed to Aldaren who, none the worse from a couple rounds of Blocking and Fouling, dashed away for the High Elves second TD. The restart saw a Blitz by Flyers that not only resulted in the death of a Thrall, but also enabled Aldaren dash forward and catch the ball. He was soon knocked down and dispossessed (and Fouled) but the half ended without further incident.

The second half saw a more successful drive by the Bloods. Although another Thrall was killed and the ball was stripped from the hands of a Vampire again, Dachnavar managed to grab it and pass it to Constantine von Ungren who scored the Bloods only TD. The restart began with the crowd throwing a rock that knocked down von Ungren, who was standing deep to try to prevent the very play that subsequently developed. The Flyers delivered the ball to Aldaren who again moved forward surrounded by a cage of High Elves. The Vampires’ spooky mind-powers again failed to open a way through to Aldaren (despite another re-roll) and he scored this third TD. Following the restart, that saw another thrown rock that seriously injured a Thrall, a Fumbled Short Pass by the Vampires allowed Aldaren to again get his hands on the ball, but his attempt pass to it to team-mate waiting in the End Zone was fumbled - ending the game.

Thanks to Givo for the game – he played extremely well and was unlucky not to score a fourth TD. He also comprehensively won the Biff with two Deaths and an Injury. And so the fat lady is about sing on the Bloods season. No matter what the result; the game between Luscious Lords and the Norscan Raiders will knock the Bloods out of the Top 8 and almost no chance of making the finals.

Dave

(aka Axebreaker)

New Game

The House of Axebreaker is always searching for new products that meet the demands of the general public. Thus we are exceedingly pleased to annouce the release our latest item that we believe fulfils a genuine need within the FNF Community.

Friday Night Draughts*

Hand carved and painted Playing Pieces

(Pictured: Skaven v Goblin "Blood Bowl" Draughts Set)

All the usual teams and races are available to order (including Chaos Dwarfs, Slann and Underworld).

Now you can experience the excitement and thrills of Blood Bowl without:

• all the complicated rules


• the unfair bias of different skills and abilities**



• arbitary randomness of the dice

No more random luck!!

All playing pieces start out exactly the same!! But you can move a standardised Lineman to the opposite End Zone and promote him to a generic Star Player!!

Star Player Morg'N'Thorg: All Star Players are identical!!

Creating plenty of Blood Bowl themed excitement!!!!! Probably minutes of fun for whole family!!!!

All the Action! An undifferentiated Goblin totally
kills a generic Skaven - WOW!!!

ORDER TODAY

*Note 1: Please be aware the game can actually be played any day of the week at any time

** Note 2: Disclaimer: One team gets to move first which may create an unavoidable bias

FNF Calendar

Nurgle Edition

As we have run out months on this year's Calendar, the remaining photographic player profiles will appear in our forthcoming FNF Calender - 2012.

Bloods Not Out of It (Yet)

The Waldenhof Bloods managed to regain some form this week allowing them to defeat the Toxic Turncoats 2-0 in a hard fought game.

The Nurglites hired a Wizard for the match and immediately put him to good use, zapping Aufhocker Vasher, who had just scooped up the ball from the opening Kick-Off, with a Bolt of Lightning – knocking him and the ball to the ground. The Bloods, however, quickly recovered the ball and tried to get things moving up the right flank. But a combination of Blood Lust and ferocious Blocking from the Turncoats resulted in two Vampires and several Thralls leaving the field of play. The Bloods forward momentum was completely stopped when Lugat Nachtzehrer was trapped against the sidelines and knocked, ball and all, out of the field of play and Badly Hurt. The throw-in returned the ball on the centre of the pitch and the rest of the half saw both teams slug it out around the ball out without either side being able to get it clear and across the goal line.

The second half began with deep kick and a Bloods’ Blitz that immediately placed the Nurglings under intense pressure. Some lacklustre blocking around the ball by the Turncoats allowed the Vampires to grab it and Aufhocker Vasher sprinted towards the End Zone. He almost made it, before he was Pushed back and surrounded by Turncoats' players. The Bloods quickly rushed in support and Vasher Blitzed his way through the defence, Badly Hurting Rotwurst, and Dodged his way clear into the End Zone for a TD.

The restart saw Horrib Able use several of his multiple arms to cleanly gather up the ball and head down field. But the Turncoats forward momentum was stalled as Bloods defenders moved in and imposed a tight cordon around ball. The latter stages of the game got extremely physical, with the Turncoats inflicting a couple of Serious Injuries on the Bloods and receiving several Knock Out hits from the Vampires in return. When an attempt to break the dead lock using another Lightning Bolt failed, Horrib Able was forced to trust to his luck and dash into the open down the left flank. But there was little luck for the Turncoats in this game and Horrib Able was knocked down and the ball was sent over the sidelines. The crowd threw it back into the Turncoats' half of the pitch and, with only seconds remaining in the game, Ubour Dachnavar snatched up the ball and threw a Short Pass to Pavel waiting in the End Zone for an unlikely late-game TD.

Thanks to Gav for the game. He didn’t enjoy much luck at all throughout the match. His Beast seemed almost perpetually Stupid - but it still won the MVP (who decides these things) and now reportedly has Block (nice). The win sees the Waldenhof Bloods still lurking just outside the Top 8. Not completely out of contention, but with their last two games against two of the League’s top teams – the Phoenix Flyers and the Wasteland Runners - making the finals will be a very tall order indeed.

Dave
(aka Axebreaker)

Great Season

I would like to say that it has been a great season and I have really enjoyed all of the effort put into it by many of you especially the coordinator and those of you putting such great blogs and pictures. As probably the greatest player amoungst our esteme group (as depicted in the statistics) I would like to thankyou all for a great time. Even though it often means bending over and getting shafted by all of you for 2 seasons now (3 wins in 22 games yeh baby) I have still enjoyed swearing long into the night.

Just a small thank you for a ripping good and fun season

looking forward many more with all of you

Toldorn

P.S Next season you are all dead meat.

Blood Bowl Proverb: If you want a chance for fame, never ever stall the game

It's a cautionary tale, one which saw a team loose there chance for victory, and another rise to get a shot at the title. The Twicksters and the Lustrous Lords met Sunday night, The Twicksters choosing to kick, and the Lords weaving a punishing route to a touchdown by turn 5. The Twicksters gave as good as they got however,and the next drive briefly saw 10 players a side battle it out before Twicksters scored a neat equaliser. The second Half once again saw Twicksters step over the line in 2 turns, but the battle of the biff was not going their way. Having saved one skilled lineman from death, the apothecary could not keep up with the number of wounded coming his way as the Lords smashed there way to the line.

With 3 turns to go, and only 4 bruised elves struggling to rise from the pitch, the Lords coach signalled a stalling play, knowing that the elves if lucky, could score again in 3 turns to steal victory. The Lords catcher stood just a single step from the line, while the rest of the team kept the elves busy. But the Lords coach had not counted on Nuffle taking exception to this play.

An elf Catcher rose from ground, and dodged past the vicious ladies he faced, to get a one on one hit on the Amazon catcher, seeking only to push her over the line and force the touchdown. This would give the Elves 2 turns to seek a winning touchdown. But such was his momentum that the amazon crashed to the ground inside the touchdown zone, the ball bouncing away from her. The elf seized the moment, and grabbed the ball, standing by himself inside his own touchdown zone. The remaining Elven blitzer saw the predicament from the halfway mark, and dodged between two defenders to run as far as he could and mark the amazons closest the ball. His tackle zone prevented the responding blitz by one little lady who attempted to dodge away.

Suddenly it was a whole new ball game, The elf catcher dodged his heart out, and made a run for it with the ball. There was not much chance of scoring again, but if he could keep his hands on the ball it would win the game. In hot pursuit came the girls, but the Elf was too fast and nimble for them, and once again they failed to take the ball from him.

The whistle blew, and the some very unhappy girls hit the showers, while the few elves who were still able to rejoiced.

FNF Calendar

Necromatic Edition

Bloods Finals Hopes Fading Fast

The Waldenhof Bloods were comprehensively beaten by the Harlem Graverotters 2-0 last night.

In what was easily their worst performance of the season, the Bloods failed in practically every aspect of the game. The match received a rating of only 10/20, truly indicative of a game where only the Graverotters seemed to know what they were doing. The Bloods also received just 10,000gp for the game, a generous amount considering their on-field display.

The match was actually the third attempt to play the game – the original fixture on Friday night was twice abandoned due the unreliability of the Supercoach’s necromantic connection. The match finally went ahead when fellow cemetery-enthusiast, Justorius, agreed to step in as Special Guest Coach. The change in coach brought a very different philosophy to the pre-match preparations. With a whopping 530,000gp in Inducement money to spend Supercoach, in the earlier attempts, had opted for skilled mercenaries, potions and a Wizard. Whereas Justorius invested most of the money (a staggering 380,000gp) hiring Ramtut III. The Undead Superstar well and truly earned his appearance money – shutting down the Bloods offence by breaking tackles and smashing down the Vampires.

The match began with the Graverotters receiving. The ball was scooped by Knucklebone who had to immediately face Aufhocker Vasher who had rushed downfield to put early pressure on the ball carrier. The Graverotters' Wights, however, easily disposed of their Vampire pursuer and moved the ball down field. But as Knucklebone dashed for the goal line he was brought down by the Flaviu, the Bloods most talented Thrall. The Graverotters eventually regained the ball but a pass to Knucklebone waiting in the End Zone was Fumbled. With time running out, Constantine von Ungren just needed to throw a Tackle Zone on the ball to obstruct an easy TD, but he got hungry and left the field of play instead, enabling Knucklebone to grab the ball and score.

The second half saw the Vampires trying to push the ball up the right flank. But the Necros defenders quickly sealed off that approach, forcing the Bloods to change direction. But Graverotters soon shut that down too. Lincoln Thrope KO’d Lugat Nachtzehrer, who had been sent deep as a potential receiver, while Ramtut III crashed through the line of Thralls and sent Vasher and the ball flying. Vasher recovered the ball, but Ramtut III again barged his way past the screen of Thralls and KO’d Vasher right off the pitch. Allowing Knucklebone to grab the loose ball and score his second TD just before the final siren sounded.

Thanks to Justorius for stepping in and playing the game. But what a shocker of a match for the Vampires - with the MVP to a Thrall being the only SPP they received. With just three games to go – two of them against top 4 teams (Phoenix Flyers and Wasteland Runners) - the Bloods hopes of making the finals are becoming increasingly unlikely.

Dave
(aka Axebreaker)

FNF Calendar

Norse (part 2) Edition

Bloods Win a Game!!!

The Waldenhof Bloods scored a rare win last night, defeating the very under-strength Frosty Snowmen 2-0.

After last week’s carnage, the reduced Norse squad were offered plenty of inducement money, most of which the Snowmen used to hire a Wizard. Their Berserker, Eilif the Drinker, also lived up to his name by imbibing a nasty smelling concoction that boosted his Agility.

The Bloods received the first Kick-Off and soon had the ball moving down the right flank. Expecting a Fireball at any moment, the Bloods tried to keep their players as well spaced as possible. But the Wizard was not called upon during the opening drive and he eventually wandered off to the bar. Meanwhile, Aufhocker Vasher had carried the ball to within spitting distance of the goal line before he was knocked down by Eilif. During the ensuing scramble, Eilif managed to grab hold of the ball but, despite his chemically enhanced agility, his attempt to weave his way through several tackle zones failed and the ball was soon placed back in the hands of Vasher who scored the opening TD. The restart saw the already diminished Norse outfit take the field with just nine players as the two KO’d Norse both failed to recover. Although outnumbered, the Snowman failed to go and fetch their Wizard from the bar and the ball carrier was soon hunted down and dispossessed.

The second half began with the Norse, who were still short two players, flinging a pass to Eilif who began moving downfield. But the Vampires spooky mind-powers paralysed Eilif’s protection and he was knocked down – spilling the ball. Johan Westerman’s attempt to remedy the situation went badly wrong when his Pass was intercepted by Constantine von Ungren - who then carried the ball up field to score the Bloods’ second TD. The subsequent Kick-Off finally saw a full Norse squad take the field again and one of the assistant coaches was sent to find the Wizard. The Snowmen quickly knocked two Thralls out of the game as Eilif received the ball and carried it towards the End Zone. But the Vampires' immobilising gaze again left him exposed and he was again knocked down. The Wizard was finally called upon to cast a Fireball, but too many of those potent Norse ales had taken their toll and he succeeded only in frying one of the Snowmen’s linemen. Bad luck continued to dog the Norse team as the ball was finally thrown to ring-in Egill Gudrunarson, who was within scoring distance – but time ran out on the play clock before he could Blitz his way clear to the End Zone. The Vampires lost little time in relieving Gudrunarson of the ball. Aufhocker Vasher seemed all set to score the Bloods third TD in the dying seconds of the game, but he succumbed to his insatiable Blood Lust and instead just dropped the ball as he wandered off into the crowd looking for a quick bite.

Thanks to James for the game. After last week’s losses in key personnel, it was always going to be a tough game for his Norse boys – a situation his in-game bad luck did nothing to remedy (nor did forgetting to use the Wizard for most of match)

Dave
(aka Axebreaker)

Sick of powergamers

I am soooo sick of powergamers in the digital version. I am certain they are pimpled little teens that cannot afford to play WOW so need to try something else.

Dwarf teams with guard/MB/piling on across the paddock, chaos with MB / Claw. It has totally wrecked my efforts to enjoy the matchmaking. I get a team of elves or such going, and you run into one of these teams who dont talk to you, even when you can them really bad things! (I wont repeat some of the provocative dialogue I have conveyed) I have actually ALT F4 on occassions when I have logged on for a fun game to get these sort of teams. It really really really pisses me off!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously think they need to not allow minors to play or people who have a whole team list of these teams. They have no skill just cookie cutter builds.

And it really can destroy the lighter armor teams with players with more ability. I have just deleted teams who get so knocked around by no brain teams it just sucks...

The Luscious Lords of Lustria

As the coach of The Luscious Lords I feel it’s time I spoke out on behalf of my Femme Fatales.

Indeed, if I don’t say something now, the season may end without anyone being any the wiser. And though that wouldn’t bother them, it sure as hell would bother me. But what do I know, I’m just a man.

The Amazons are a fierce, proud and yes, arrogant race. Most of the trash talk and gender degradation that goes on within the league is well beneath their notice. In their home land it is they who wear the pants, so to speak. ‘In actuality they wear very little. And the few men folk wear even less.’

A male in their land is to be seen, (working hard, pampering the ‘Lords’, or just for pure arousal sake), and not to be heard.

And as for those creatures who grunt as if to speak, walk on two legs as though they to could be a MAN. Not to mention the magically animated rotting corpses of long dead flesh. What time or notice would the Luscious Lords be expected to give any of that ilk? Please, give me a break.

It is in my opinion that the mindless, soulless, waxiness, excuse for womanhood that’s been peddled in recent time is indicative of the insecurities the modern Blood Bowl players carry deep within.

Perhaps they weren’t breast fed, or loved enough as children. Perhaps those cunning and sly Vampires that are parading around as if they are the all round good guy’s have the week minded men of Friday Night Fight’s under their hypnotic spell.

I’d like to think, as Refined (soft) and cultured (fragile) as the Elven kind appear to be, that their women folk, (Witch Elves, War Dancers, etc.) are keeping their men folk in line. I’m confidant in the women of the Dark Elf house to keep things in order. Though the ‘Lords’ thought it strange it took so long for a true leader to make an appearance on the team?

As for the Amazons performance on the field, they fully acknowledge that it hasn’t been up to standard. They are always Woman enough to admit when they can do better. In actuality their defence is quite good. It is their ability to promote the ball into their opponents End Zone that has their fans asking questions. Briefly, before remembering that, ‘Who cares, It’s the Amazons‘.

And though they won’t complain about “this going wrong, or that shouldn’t have happened” like your typical insecure, male dominated line up. It is quite obvious, even to the casual observer, that when a team sporting the ’Dodge’ skill across the board, and now with 8 out of 13 players also with ’Block’, is suffering an acute ’Biff’ against, lady luck is either a little Jealous of the ’Lords’ or has been hypnotised by one of those pesky vampires.
But a quick look across at their long left behind cousins gives them a little pleasure in the whole scenario.

Perhaps one of the flaws in the Amazons game is their insatiable appetite for destruction. For, despite not being overtly obvious, it is the Luscious Lords who lead the competition in Casualties caused, with 21 so far this season. And as a worthy side note, 3 of those were Deaths. The most prised being a Mummy belonging to an inconsolable Necroped’s team.
The Blitzer ’Mystic Mirror Embrace’ being the spear head with 4, leaving 17 for rest of the team, demonstrating that it’s not just one or two women hell bent on destruction, but the whole damn team.

And though the ‘Lords’ would never make such utterances, I will. How could any Blood Bowl player in their right mind think an ’Enthralled’ Waxen figurine could some how be more exciting, attractive and desirable than a woman playing Blood Bowl? Breaking a Beastman's collar bone, Ko’ing an Elven catcher about to score a TD, Killing a Mummy with her bare white knuckles. Getting smashed down, only to get up and do it all again. Having her neck snapped, only for the Apothecary to fix it up and running onto the field the very next drive. Not to mention the passing, dodging, running.

Can there possibly be anything more exciting and seductive than an Amazon Blood Bowl team in action? I think not.

ZenThaalX, the happiest coach in Blood Bowl.

P.S. The ‘Lords’ are gonna punish me something fierce when they read this.

(Axebreaker on behalf of ZenThaalX)

Twicksters vs SeaHawks

Friday night was a spectacle of elf on elf action as two of the lower ranked elf teams clashed. Twicksters having recently found their form after the wise addition of the thrower Castien Nooros, were slowly moving up the ladder, while The Cheesy Seahawks were fresh off a win against their high elf brothers the Phoenix Flyer's, and a draw against the Wasteland Runners two of the top teams this season.